Pie & Beer Day

Emma, an undiagnosed medium and a transplant from Wisconsin, just wanted a long weekend with her longtime crush, bisexual rock climber Johnny. Right when the flames of love are about to ignite, she learns his family’s cabin is ground zero for Pioneer Day (or as Johnny and every ex-Mormon calls it: Pie & Beer Day). She gets a crash course in Mormon genealogy when pioneer ghosts appear seeking vengeance on a Joseph Smith descendant for lying to them about their Celestial afterlives. Lucky for them, and tragic for Emma, Johnny happens to be that descendant, and these ghosts are out for blood.

As the ghosts escalate from creepy (whisper singing hymns between the aspen trees) to full-on possession of Johnny's body, Emma teams up with two soon-to-be-ex-Mormon missionaries (who just realized their church lied about, well, everything), and the town's resident "witches" (progressive lesbians who actually do identify as witches). To save Johnny, they'll stage a fake temple marriage and botched Mormon exorcism - much to the delight of pioneer ghosts who watch the chaos like it's the newest season of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. 

Could the key to their afterlife lie within the Joseph Smith descendant? Listen to find out!

Written and Directed by: Marta Reeder

Sound Design: Chaz Evans

Cast:

Screen Direction - Sydney King

Emma - Jorji Diaz Fadel

Johnny/Teenager - Aaron Woodall

Maddie/Raven - Ava Kostia

Elder Anderson/Josiah/Daniel - BJ Whimpey

Elder Young - Brandan Ngo

Companion/Zeke/Man - Kirby Saxton

Child's Voice/Sarah/Sybil/Kid - Shaela Adams

Mother/Heather Gay - Michelle Hayes

Child's singing voice - Carly Crickenberger & Etta Talvy

Special Thanks to: Betty R, Rebekah R, Kate R, Morgan W, McKenna D, Arthur V, Stephen S, Taylor M, Lindsay LB, Maddie & Blade, Kayelee A, Nancy T, Cameron C, Kesley G, Christopher T, Ryker H.

Contains adult language and intense sequences—recommended for listeners 16+.

Special FX Attributions: 

• Iphone Typing - iPhone Typing by halimturk -- https://freesound.org/s/392634/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
• Iphone ding - Custom App Notification Sound by DanJFilms -- https://freesound.org/s/845167/ -- License: Creative Commons 0
• park ambiance - busy park - birds, dog, ambulance, playing ball by iliana22 -- https://freesound.org/s/832022/ -- License: Creative Commons 0
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• Convenience Store Door Chime (32bit, 48kHz, Stereo) by zebragrrl -- https://freesound.org/s/632225/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
• Beer Bottle Opening.aif by ftpalad -- https://freesound.org/s/119900/ -- License: Creative Commons 0
• campfire sound by SterckxS -- https://freesound.org/s/541572/ -- License: Attribution 3.0
• Four_Voices_Whispering_6_wEcho.wav by geoneo0 -- https://freesound.org/s/193818/ -- License: Creative Commons 0
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• Man Drowning Underwater by simonjeffery13 -- https://freesound.org/s/752733/ -- License: Creative Commons 0
• Glass breaking 2 by Samgd14 -- https://freesound.org/s/359126/ -- License: Attribution 3.0
• various slap takes.aif by mmaruska -- https://freesound.org/s/191654/ -- License: Creative Commons 0
• Door slamming hard by NachtmahrTV -- https://freesound.org/s/571797/ -- License: Creative Commons 0
• snapping branch by Thoryn -- https://freesound.org/s/445816/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
• Woman Vomiting.wav by 221097 -- https://freesound.org/s/654268/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0
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• A Few Groans Of Disappointment by FritzSounds -- https://freesound.org/s/366297/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0
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• tmnt_2012_inspired_smokebomb_sounds_05202025 by Artninja -- https://freesound.org/s/808013/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Hello, this is Marta Reeder. I am the writer and director of this audio fiction, Pie and Beer Day. This is a comedy, this is a horror, this is a little bit of a romance, and this is not for Mormons. If you are an active LDS member, you will not like this, so turn it off. Do not listen. I'd like to say this is adapted from a screenplay. By adapted, I mostly didn't change anything, so it'll feel like a fun little table read. It's a good time. I just want to put it out there that we did have some technical difficulties. Did we go to a professional recording studio? Yes, we did. Did they catch the the technical difficulties? Um they did, but they didn't realize that there was some beforehand, so we had to have our actors re-record some bits. So you're going to notice that there are some moments of different quality in the recording. But that's not my fault. It is actually the recording studio's fault, but we're not gonna get into that. Cause hopefully you won't even notice because you're so into it and are having such a good time. Anyways, please enjoy pie and beer day.

SPEAKER_09 1:35

Exterior, Salt Lake City Street, Liberty Park, morning. It's a blisteringly hot Utah summer morning. Birds are chirping, granolas are running with their pups, and suburban families are camping on the sidewalk. Yes, camping on the sidewalk with sunshades, camping chairs, and ginormous coolers filled with as much Diet Coke as one's heart could desire. Emma, twenties, an outdoorsy hipster, because why else would you move to Utah? People watches from her porch, blowing on her hot coffee. A duffel bag rests on the bench next to her. A fake cough from behind her.

SPEAKER_10 2:11

Jesus!

SPEAKER_09 2:12

Emma jumps, spilling hot coffee on her legs. She stands, hissing in pain. Maddie, twenties, Mormon made, Hellian at heart. She stands in the doorway, her bad tattoos and mullet haircut subverting her otherwise temple ready looks.

SPEAKER_13 2:28

Be careful where you take the Lord's name in vain, Emma. They have ears everywhere, especially during pioneer days. Who? The Mormons. Aren't you one of them? Technically, yes, but I was destined to be a heathen. I was born a heathen. Well, when I was a kid, I used to flip myself off in the mirror to experience darkness. Mormon kids always turn out the weirdest. And funniest.

SPEAKER_11 2:55

It's all the trauma. You sound healthy for someone who claims to have the flu.

SPEAKER_13 3:02

How dare you! I am so sick.

SPEAKER_09 3:05

Emma rolls her eyes as Maddie sits next to her. Silence. Maddie nudges Emma playfully.

SPEAKER_13 3:11

So, just you and Johnny going now, is it? Eric said he might come up tomorrow.

SPEAKER_09 3:17

Interesting. Maddie quickly grabs her phone and her fingers fly. Emma swats at Maddie's phone, but she maneuvers out of the way, agile as a damn cat.

SPEAKER_11 3:26

Maddie, stop!

SPEAKER_13 3:27

You're gonna make it weird. You know what's actually weird? Watching you basically burst into flames anytime that boy makes any physical contact. It's been almost a year now, and we're all sick of it.

SPEAKER_11 3:38

Emma's face says it all. I'm that obvious. The bursting into flames is only because I'm a born heathen. And that's kind of our deal. Maddie rolls her eyes. Johnny is just a close friend.

SPEAKER_13 3:51

Close friends, my ass. You two are like fucking Brezhuton, but instead of high society preventing you from boning its friendship. Come on, Maddie. He doesn't feel that way about me. I know you're not this dumb, Emma.

SPEAKER_09 4:04

They stare at each other, eyes narrowing, both confident in their arguments. Then, Maddie looks at her phone and then holds up the screen. Oh! Look at that! Eric has flu symptoms too. Emma tries to grab the phone again, but Maddie's too quick for her and scrambles back to the doorway. Maddie fakes another cough and leans on the doorframe, exhausted. A honk honk from the street. Maddie and Emma's head snap toward the very reasonable Toyota RAV4 in front of the house. The driver's door opens, and Johnny, twenties, gorgeous in a rugged but paints his nails kind of way, waves from his open door. Emma is right. The man is hot. Maddie and Emma wave back.

SPEAKER_13 4:47

Have lots of fun. Shut up. If you don't have a UTI when you come shut your mouth!

SPEAKER_09 4:54

Emma tries to cover Maddie's mouth. It's a pathetic wrestle.

SPEAKER_13 4:58

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_09 4:59

Emma grabs her duffel bag and flips Maddie the bird as she bounds down the stairs. See them. Hey yo! But before Johnny can respond to her greeting, Emma nearly jumps out of her skin upon seeing a gothic-looking Pioneer Teen. They sneer in Emma's direction with dark, soulless eyes. Emma looks at them, terrified. Blood drips from Pioneer Teen's mouth. It dribbles off their chin onto the sidewalk. Emma's eyes flutter, trying to blink the side away. Pioneer Teen guffaws at Emma's reaction as their mother, forties but has enough plastic surgery to look weird, comes up behind them.

SPEAKER_12 5:34

The blood capsules again? No more Amazon privileges. I mean it. Mother smiles sweetly at Emma. Sorry, it's a phase. We're working through it.

SPEAKER_09 5:47

Briggs, look at your child! Mother grabs Pioneer Teen's arm and leads them away, whispering angrily. Hey! Suddenly, Johnny's right beside Emma. He grabs her bag. Emma snaps out of it. Sorry. Sorry. He wraps his arms around her. Some might consider this hug more than friendly, but not Emma. She closes her eyes to take him all in.

SPEAKER_13 6:07

Have so much fun.

SPEAKER_09 6:09

Emma's eyes shoot open and they separate. Johnny throws her duffel into the back.

SPEAKER_03 6:13

Ready to hit the road?

SPEAKER_09 6:14

Boy am I. Emma cringes at herself, but Johnny laughs. She glares up at Maddie one more time. Maddie just smiles, waves, and then humps the air. Interior, exterior, Johnny's car, day. Emma stares out the window. She feels for a spot on her scalp. The car drives through boring farmland, the recipe for some deep conversations, or maybe even a confession or two.

SPEAKER_03 6:36

Oh shit! I forgot. Uh oh. What? Look in the back seat.

SPEAKER_09 6:39

Emma turns and sees a pastry box in the back seat. She grabs it. It's a small chocolate pie from Pie Fight, SLC Local Business Represent. A pie?

SPEAKER_03 6:48

Yeah! Pie and beer day. Can't really do the beer part just yet.

SPEAKER_09 6:52

Emma smiles and opens the box. There's a fork on the edge, ready to be devoured.

SPEAKER_03 6:57

Eat up.

SPEAKER_09 6:58

Emma digs in. From the look on her face, it tastes good. Wanna bite? Johnny nods and opens his mouth wide, but keeps his eyes on the road. Emma carefully holds out a forkful, but her eyes catch a glimpse of a woman ahead in a bikini top and cut-off shorts holding her thumb out. Suddenly, the woman's body launches into the air as if the car has just struck her. Emma whips around in her seat, staring through the rear window as the woman tumbles violently across the asphalt behind them.

SPEAKER_03 7:24

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_09 7:25

But the car doesn't swerve, doesn't slow. The woman's body disappears behind them. Literally. Emma touches the spot on her head.

SPEAKER_03 7:32

No biggie.

SPEAKER_09 7:33

Emma's attention snaps back to Johnny. The fork full of pie is now on his crotch. Shit! Emma collects herself, distracted by Johnny's now chocolate-covered crotch. She starts toward it with the fork.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

Let's not go at my dick with a fork.

SPEAKER_09 7:47

Right. Yeah. It's not a good way to start off the weekend. Johnny scoops up the bit of pie and plops it in his mouth.

SPEAKER_03 7:54

Just looks like I pissed shit.

SPEAKER_09 7:56

Cute. Emma takes another bite of the pie, thinking, still trying to recover from the terrible sight of the woman tumbling, tumbling, tumbling.

SPEAKER_11 8:04

Why are people so weird about Pioneer Day? Off Johnny's lug. Sorry, I mean pie and beard day. Seriously, though, nobody has ever told me about it.

SPEAKER_03 8:14

Doesn't it seem weird to celebrate a bunch of Mormons stealing land from indigenous people?

SPEAKER_11 8:19

Well, that is the American way. Wisconsin doesn't really do anything unless you count dairy month. We have parades and dairy princesses, but nothing to celebrate statehood.

SPEAKER_03 8:29

Pioneer Day isn't celebrating statehood. It's celebrating the Mormons arriving in Zion after escaping religious persecution. They went to Ohio, then Missouri, then Illinois. Utah seems random after that. Well, they chose it because it was isolated. They didn't actually want statehood because statehood meant no polygamy. So they dragged these families around four different states because some perverts wanted to have 50 wives. People died for that shit. For a con artist. John Smith. Joseph Smith. The only reason Mormonism succeeded is that he was hot and charismatic. And they didn't send babies to hell who died without baptism.

SPEAKER_09 9:11

Emma pats his arm and Johnny smirks, snapping him out of his serious mood.

SPEAKER_03 9:15

It's also such a bad parade, and people camp out for it. Like, what? Not one drag queen? Not worth it.

SPEAKER_09 9:23

Johnny opens his mouth, his eyes flick to the pie. Even more carefully, Emma guides another pie bite to his mouth, using her hands as a pie catcher. Success. Interior, gas station, day. Emma stands in the beer fridge, letting her intuition guide her to the perfect beer to pair with the pie. She closes her eyes and steps to the left. She stands in front of a stack of Fisher Brewing Company beer. Salt Lake City local represent. She heaves it onto her hip and steps outside the fridge. She nearly runs into Elder Young, nineteen, and Elder Anderson, nineteen, in full Mormon missionary garb with name tags and all. A grandma would describe them both as strapping young men. They each hold a large slurpee and stand like the twins from the Shining. Emma nearly drops the beer upon seeing them. Sorry. She attempts to move around them, but they don't budge.

SPEAKER_14 10:12

We would ask if we could help, but That appears to be beer.

SPEAKER_09 10:17

It is, and I'm good, fully capable, but thanks. Emma steps down the candy aisle and the missionaries follow her.

SPEAKER_06 10:23

We don't want to bother you.

SPEAKER_09 10:24

Good. She grabs a couple of candy bars and sets them on the beer.

SPEAKER_06 10:28

But if you need anything. We love yard work.

SPEAKER_11 10:31

I don't need anything. I'm only here for the weekend.

SPEAKER_06 10:33

You're not from around here?

SPEAKER_11 10:35

I just moved to Salt Lake City.

SPEAKER_09 10:36

Elder Young seems relieved to hear it.

SPEAKER_06 10:40

Just a fair warning: this place is riddled with sketchy people. And we don't want a young woman to walk into a trap.

SPEAKER_09 10:46

Emma is now fully annoyed.

SPEAKER_14 10:48

Just stay away from Moose Track Lane. There are a bunch of people around there that may or may not worship Satan. Witches.

SPEAKER_09 10:56

Johnny steps up behind them.

SPEAKER_03 10:58

Oh, those kooks? They're like family to us.

SPEAKER_09 11:00

Johnny maneuvers around the missionaries and takes Emma's beer. Johnny and Elder Anderson hold eye contact for a sexy beat. Emma looks to Johnny and then to Elder Anderson, sensing something.

SPEAKER_14 11:11

Okay, well, I'm sure you're just Joshin. Uh have a good pioneer day.

SPEAKER_06 11:16

We don't celebrate. Then have a good weekend. I assume you celebrate that.

SPEAKER_09 11:22

He chuckles at himself. Elder Young places his hand on Elder Anderson's shoulder, and the missionaries walk away. Who are these kooky witches?

SPEAKER_03 11:30

No idea, but I'm sure they just like crystals or something, and it scared them.

SPEAKER_09 11:35

Johnny throws his arms around her shoulders. For a moment, his touch sets her on fire, metaphorically. She stares at his hand, calloused, veiny, gentle, his hands. The door dings, and Emma welcomes the diversion as the missionaries exit the gas station. Interior exterior car Day. The car drives up a winding dirt road surrounded by tall aspen trees whose leaves are almost neon green in the sunlight. Emma and Johnny bounce in their seats as they go over a large bump in the road. The car pulls into a small clearing and a modest wood cabin sits among the trees. It looks ancient and appears to have been built by hand. Whoa.

SPEAKER_03 12:14

Yeah, pretty cool, right? My grandpa built it. I haven't been since my cousins bought it.

SPEAKER_11 12:20

Why not?

SPEAKER_03 12:21

My grandparents didn't want me to visit, but they're dead now, and my cousins like me, so jokes on them.

SPEAKER_09 12:28

Emma rests her hand on his shoulder. That sucks. Johnny shrugs. Emma drops her hand, embarrassed by her forwardness.

SPEAKER_03 12:35

Look, we're not here to talk about my family trauma. We're here for pie and beer, baby.

SPEAKER_09 12:39

Johnny grabs a cold beer from the cooler and cracks it open. He hands it over to Emma. She takes a swig. Interior cabin day. It's small and would feel cramped with more than five people, but it feels like an old, authentic cabin. The furniture is updated like a cozy cabin decor Pinterest board. The walls are covered in wilderness paintings, eagles, deer, bears, you name it. On one wall, bows are hanging from hooks, and arrows are piled in the corner. Emma sips her beer and stops in front of an old calendar with a pioneer-looking man with a shotgun facing a ferocious grizzly bear.

SPEAKER_03 13:15

You want the primary bedroom or the loft?

SPEAKER_11 13:17

Hmm. Well, if the kooky witches break into the house, where would they go first?

SPEAKER_03 13:23

Primary?

SPEAKER_11 13:24

Yeah, I'll take the loft. You get murdered first.

SPEAKER_09 13:27

Johnny holds out his beer to cheers, and a shot rings out in the distance. Jesus! Emma's beer splashes all over Johnny's shirt. Shit, sorry.

SPEAKER_03 13:38

I'll live.

SPEAKER_11 13:39

What was that?

SPEAKER_03 13:40

I'm assuming a gun.

SPEAKER_11 13:41

The murder stuff is hitting too close to home now. Literally.

SPEAKER_03 13:45

People around here love their guns, but it's mostly for hunting. Although it sounded a little close.

SPEAKER_09 13:52

Emma playfully nudges him. Shut up.

SPEAKER_03 13:55

Nah, you can hear them around sometimes. It's nothing to worry about. Probably just teens with BB guns or something. I don't think it's hunting season.

SPEAKER_09 14:04

Johnny digs through his bag and finds a new shirt. He peels off his beer-covered one. Emma tries not to stare, but Johnny's got that rock climbing body down. If you say so.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

You just wear orange.

SPEAKER_09 14:16

Johnny smirks as he pulls on a camo shirt.

SPEAKER_03 14:18

You hungry?

SPEAKER_09 14:19

I mentioned murder, and the first thing you think of is food.

SPEAKER_03 14:22

Yep.

SPEAKER_09 14:22

Exterior, cabin, night. The sun has set and the aspen trees look like white ghosts lit up by the bonfire that Emma and Johnny sit by, roasting hot dogs. Classic. Emma looks over at him.

SPEAKER_11 14:34

I know you don't want to talk about it, but you can tell me about your serious stuff if you want. I like to know my friends. This kind of atmosphere is perfect for a spill your gut session.

SPEAKER_09 14:46

Johnny looks up at the unpolluted sky. Stars shine down on them with no clouds to block them. It's almost a full moon. He looks back at Emma.

SPEAKER_03 14:56

Well You've only really lived in Salt Lake, which is like the progressive hub of Utah, and even so, it's still riddled with Mormons. But try growing up in the suburbs here.

SPEAKER_11 15:09

I lived in rural Wisconsin. I mean, scary, but not Utah suburbs scary. Driving through them sends shivers up my spine. It's like the children of the corn out there with the blonde hair. Johnny smiles.

SPEAKER_03 15:23

There's just a lot of expectations put on you. You get baptized, then you turn 12, you receive the ironic priesthood as a deacon, then you become a teacher, and then at 16, a priest. As soon as that happens, you're being pushed to go on a mission. Honestly, at that point, you don't really have a choice. You are going on a mission. I was called to Oklahoma.

SPEAKER_09 15:42

Flash of 18-year-old Johnny opens up his mission calling. His face is painted in disappointment.

SPEAKER_03 15:49

Which is maybe the weirdest way to say you're not good enough.

SPEAKER_09 15:54

His perfect picket fence family tries their best to celebrate, but they look just as disappointed, if not more.

SPEAKER_03 16:01

The really good, devoted Mormons, they get called to cool places like Japan, like my dad did.

SPEAKER_09 16:07

He tries to smile, but he just comes off deranged. Return to scene.

SPEAKER_03 16:13

Oh shit. The thing is, once I got out of Utah, out in the real world, I started to realize shit. People ask you questions, and those questions get you thinking about your beliefs. And let me tell you, Mormons are deeply uncurious about their religion. You just believe because you are in the one true church.

SPEAKER_11 16:32

So you started questioning everything?

SPEAKER_03 16:35

Yeah. I was there for two months, and there was there was this one man, I'll never forget him. He asked me why God waited until 1978 to allow black men to have the priesthood. I had no fucking idea what to say to him because I did not know that. Did you say anything? I swear I blacked out. My companion said something to him and we left, but it really flipped this switch in my brain. I was already feeling so disconnected, and it was this moment of clarity. These men, these prophets aren't speaking to God. These revelations are just pressure from members. These men realize they could make a fuck ton more money if they expanded their reach. Jesus, that's so fucked. And polygamy? Which was needed to get to the highest of heavens? Prophet Woodruff suddenly had a major revelation. God actually changed his mind. It was only a coincidence that Utah could get statehood if it no longer practiced polygamy.

SPEAKER_11 17:36

You said they didn't want statehood.

SPEAKER_03 17:39

At first. But things changed, I guess. Like they do. All these things added up in my head, and it just didn't feel right to be out there trying to spread a gospel I knew was bullshit, so I purposely got kicked off my mission for seeing the movie Masterminds.

SPEAKER_09 18:00

Flash of missionary Johnny stands in front of a movie theater. He looks at the Masterminds poster, and with one solemn nod, he opens the door and enters. The movie with Kristen Wick? Return to scene. Johnny nods. It's not even bad.

SPEAKER_03 18:16

I mean, there were other things.

SPEAKER_09 18:18

Other things? Flash of, companion, hot in a blonde way, stands in front of his twin bed. He is in mid-Hamilton performance.

SPEAKER_00 18:27

He ain't never gonna set his descendants free, so there will be a revolution in the century. And to me, he says in parentheses.

SPEAKER_09 18:36

Missionary Johnny watches from his bed. He's used to this literal song and dance. Missionary Johnny stands, a Eureka moment, and approaches companion who holds his stare. Missionary Johnny grabs his face and kisses him. And in a second flat, they are consumed by a terrifying amount of lust. Ooh, Mormon God's gonna be mad. Return to scene. Johnny shrugs.

SPEAKER_03 19:01

Me and my companion made a plan. I'd go to that movie.

SPEAKER_09 19:07

Flash of missionary Johnny places the ticket stub on top of the Book of Mormon on a side table.

SPEAKER_03 19:13

He'd find that ticket, turn me in, and I'd get kicked off a mission for less offensive reasons than making out with him.

SPEAKER_09 19:21

Return to scene. Johnny looks over at Emma.

SPEAKER_03 19:24

I wouldn't be there to tempt him, and it was a gentler way for me to leave.

SPEAKER_11 19:29

You liked him?

SPEAKER_03 19:30

Not at all. He was hot, but honestly, kissing him was the most effective way to get him to stop singing Hamilton. Plus, he was always around, you know. But I was sent home. My family were disgusted with me. They were like.

SPEAKER_09 19:53

Flash of Johnny's cookie cutter Mormon mother holds the movie ticket stubs. She mouths the words. Why would you do this to your family? Return to scene. Emma looks rightly confused.

SPEAKER_03 20:07

I didn't have to tell them that I was bisexual, but honestly, seeing Jason Sudakis with that fucking mustache was another confirmation. I couldn't fight it anymore. Like, if anything was going to cure me, it was gonna be my mission, where you eat, sleep, and drink the gospel, but it didn't cure me. It opened my eyes, so I decided to come out to my family and tell them I wanted out of the church. Straight to the telestial kingdom for me, right there with Hitler. All because I'm attracted to men.

SPEAKER_11 20:45

You don't talk to your family now?

SPEAKER_03 20:47

Not really. But my cousins let me move in with them after that, and then they outbid everyone in the family for this beauty.

SPEAKER_09 20:55

He gestures to the cabin.

SPEAKER_03 20:57

And now they know sinful things are happening here, and there's jack shit they can do about it.

SPEAKER_09 21:02

Johnny grins at her, and Emma scoots closer. Their shoulders touch. She awkwardly pats his thigh. Thanks for telling me.

SPEAKER_03 21:10

Well, it's your turn to spill all your life secrets to me. After IP.

SPEAKER_09 21:16

Johnny stands. Emma watches him go and then readdresses her still cold hot dog. She momentarily looks up at the sparkling stars, and her dog dips further into the fire. Behind her, a hand touches the bark of an aspen tree etched with an upside-down star, also known as an inverted pentagram. Back with Emma, everything around her gets darker as the moon goes behind some clouds, but it's a cloudless night, as of a minute ago. She shivers at what sounds like thousands of people whispering hits her. Literally. Her hair blows in a gust of wind. Emma stands spooped. She looks around, but all she sees are the dim white aspen tree bodies. The whispers become more formed. Emma's eyes flutter, overwhelming. She touches her scalp. Behind her, the pentagram glows as if it's been burned fresh into the wood. The hand that touched it moments before belongs to Johnny, but he doesn't notice the glowing sign. He zips up his pants quickly. Emma? Johnny watches it as Emma wobbles in front of the bonfire. He runs and grabs her as she almost falls into the flames. Emma opens her eyes, confused. Are you are you okay? What? Yeah. Emma slowly stands with Johnny's assistance. She looks around. Everything is back in order. No voices, no aspen tree bodies.

SPEAKER_03 22:37

What happened?

SPEAKER_09 22:39

It must have been breathing in the smoke or something. Johnny nods and looks into the fire where Emma's hot dog shrivels in the flames.

SPEAKER_03 22:46

You lost your dog.

SPEAKER_09 22:48

He assists Emma as she sits on the bench. How careless of me. Her attempt at a jokey quip falls flat. Johnny looks at her, concerned.

SPEAKER_03 22:57

You sure you're okay?

SPEAKER_09 22:59

Totally.

SPEAKER_03 22:59

Will booze help?

SPEAKER_09 23:01

Johnny holds out another beer. Yes. Thanks. Johnny gives her another worried look.

SPEAKER_03 23:06

Maybe you should drink some water.

SPEAKER_11 23:08

I'm totally fine, I promise. Just zoned out.

SPEAKER_03 23:12

Okay. I'm gonna trust you're telling the truth.

SPEAKER_09 23:16

Johnny grabs a large jug of water from under the bench. He sets it between them.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

Just in case.

SPEAKER_09 23:23

Emma nods as her eyes search the forest for any lingering spookiness, because what the fuck? Interior, cabin, night. Emma and Johnny are tipsy and they sit across from each other at a rickety old dining room table, playing the card game Spit, similar to Solitaire, but much more intense. And then Emma dishes out her final cards and slaps the small discard pile. She stands in celebration. I'm the queen of the universe, and you, you are the scum of the earth. Emma holds out an imaginary mic toward Johnny. How does it feel to be a total loser? He grabs her hand, holding the imaginary mic with both of his.

SPEAKER_11 24:13

Okay. Stakes. Let's hear them.

SPEAKER_15 24:18

Whoever loses has to wake up and make breakfast.

SPEAKER_11 24:25

That's what you call a stake.

SPEAKER_03 24:27

Okay, okay. Um whoever loses must do a dare.

SPEAKER_09 24:34

Deal. Emma holds her hand out for a shake. Johnny complies. Interior, cabin, later. The game is much more intense this time. Cards are flying. Eyes dart to each other's piles. It could be a tie, but nope. Emma quickly defeats him with a loud slap. Haha. Get ready for a dare, bitch.

SPEAKER_03 24:54

Being ready.

SPEAKER_09 24:55

Emma taps the table, thinking.

SPEAKER_11 24:58

I dare you to strip butt naked and run around this cabin.

SPEAKER_09 25:03

Johnny is already stripping before she can finish her thought. Excuse me, I wasn't finished. Emma gets momentarily distracted again by the hint of Johnny's nakedness. He looks at her expectantly.

SPEAKER_11 25:14

And when you reach the back of the cabin, you must proclaim Emma is the queen of the universe and I suck elk balls.

SPEAKER_09 25:21

Johnny nods quickly and rips off his shirt as he heads to the door. As Emma approaches the porch, Johnny's pants land on her head, then his underwear. Exterior cabin, porch, continuous. As soon as Emma steps outside, her face drops. It's dark dark with no fire. The stars aren't enough. It sounds like it's right next to her. She opens her eyes and turns around. The rocking chair rocks again, back and forth. Johnny? No answer. Then the sound of a giggling child. Nope. Emma leaps off the porch. Fuck! Johnny! Again, no answer. Emma walks around the perimeter of the small cabin. No sign of him. Johnny! The sound of a twig snapping. Emma closes her eyes and smacks the spot on her head. She opens her eyes and sees the glowing pentagram on the body of the aspen tree. She shakes her head. Johnny, I swear to God. Naughty word. Emma turns toward the voice, but it's just the glowing aspen trees, and then shadows walk amongst them. Hello?

SPEAKER_10 26:43

Punish her.

SPEAKER_09 26:44

The shadows start appearing closer and closer. Fuck this Emma, more confused than scared now, runs back to the stairs of the porch. Something reaches out and grabs her ankle. Emma lets out a scream of terror and falls back on the dirt. She scrambles backward, kicking her feet. Emma it's me. Emma stands, a mixture of pissed and terrified. What the fuck, Johnny? Johnny crawls out from under the porch, totally naked, covering his junk.

SPEAKER_03 27:14

Sorry.

SPEAKER_09 27:16

He seems sincere and maybe a little chilly. I I didn't mean to Emma stomps up the stairs, not saying a word. Could you give me my clothes? A moment later, clothes fall in front of him. Interior cabin continuous. Visibly upset, Emma makes her way toward the stairs to the loft. Johnny pulls up his pants as he walks through the door. His body is covered in dirt. The man was committed to his prank.

SPEAKER_03 27:43

Emma. Really?

SPEAKER_02 27:47

Look, I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_11 27:50

I thought we were What does soiled dove even mean?

SPEAKER_09 27:54

Johnny looks at her, confused. I heard you say it.

SPEAKER_03 27:57

I didn't.

SPEAKER_09 27:58

Emma doesn't look convinced.

SPEAKER_03 28:01

I really have no idea what that means.

SPEAKER_09 28:04

Emma touches her head, looking worried. It's fine.

SPEAKER_03 28:08

I can tell it's not.

SPEAKER_09 28:09

I just need to go to sleep. Emma starts up the spiral stairs, which echo Tinny as she ascends. She has to duck at the midpoint. Interior loft, night. It's an open space with four twin beds lined up against the wall. On the opposite side is a full sized bed. One large window shows off the tops of the aspen trees, which seem to glow in the dark. Emma plops down on the full size bed and squeezes her pillow. She touches the spot on her head and closes her eyes. It's all in your head. It's all in your head. Emma takes some deep meditative breaths. As she becomes increasingly relaxed, sleep overcomes her. Interior loft night. Something drip, drip, drips on Emma's forehead. It's thicker and more yellow than water. She stirs in her sleep, but it doesn't wake her. A pair of spectral hands rest on her head.

SPEAKER_04 29:04

Soiled dove, I bless thee to grow out of your sins. Come to Heavenly Father, he will forgive you.

SPEAKER_09 29:12

Emma's brows furrow and her eyes flutter.

SPEAKER_04 29:15

By the power of the Melchizedek priesthood.

SPEAKER_09 29:18

Emma's eyes shoot open. A wraith like man with a long beard and pioneer garb stands over her. He looks like he shares jeans with a scarecrow. This is Josiah, 50s.

SPEAKER_05 29:29

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

SPEAKER_09 29:33

Emma screams. She shoots up in bed and Josiah dissipates, but Emma's not sticking around to notice. She dashes down the stairs. She almost makes it down them, but doesn't duck in time at the midpoint. Her head smacks into the low clearance wood beam with a thunk. Johnny races into the living room to find Emma sprawled out at the bottom of the staircase with a red forehead. Shit, Emma! He runs over. Interior, primary bedroom, night. Emma lies on the right side of the queen size bed with an ice pack on her forehead. Johnny enters the room with two steaming mugs. Emma removes the ice pack, revealing a giant goose egg. She takes the mug.

SPEAKER_03 30:12

You sure we shouldn't go to the ER?

SPEAKER_11 30:14

I'm okay.

SPEAKER_03 30:16

You could be concussed.

SPEAKER_11 30:18

My brain has been through worse things. I can handle a concussion, I promise. Silence.

SPEAKER_09 30:23

Johnny sits down on the opposite side of the bed.

SPEAKER_03 30:26

I'm sorry about before.

SPEAKER_09 30:29

It's okay. I just don't do well with creepy shit.

SPEAKER_02 30:34

Yeah, I took it too far.

SPEAKER_09 30:36

Emma touches that spot she's always touching on her scalp.

SPEAKER_03 30:41

Is something else going on?

SPEAKER_09 30:46

Emma shakes her head.

SPEAKER_03 30:49

I spilled all my beings. Your turn.

SPEAKER_11 30:53

If I tell you you have to promise to not think I'm insane.

SPEAKER_02 30:59

Promise.

SPEAKER_09 31:01

Emma thinks. Johnny grabs her hand, she stares at it, she closes her eyes, then she lets it out before she convinces herself otherwise. I sometimes see stuff.

SPEAKER_03 31:14

I hope you regularly see stuff.

SPEAKER_09 31:16

Johnny smiles at his joke. Not the time for jokes, dude.

SPEAKER_03 31:20

Sorry.

SPEAKER_09 31:21

I fell into a well. Johnny laughs, but soon realizes that Emma is not laughing back.

SPEAKER_02 31:27

Oh. You're serious. Uh the wells still exist?

SPEAKER_09 31:32

Emma nods. Exterior, farmland, day, flashback. Teen Emma runs through the tall grass looking podunk as hell. She giggles as the grass tickles her hand. I was twelve, and I was just running around as you do. Teen Emma pauses. An echoing meow of a kitten. I thought I heard a crying kitten and I followed the sound. Teen Emma reaches a creepy-looking well. It looks haunted. There's a hand-painted sign hung on the well that says, Beware, but she ignores it. Another meow. Teen Emma reaches down into the dark well because, apparently, Teen Emma isn't very smart. Here, kitty kitty. By this point, her body is halfway in the well. Then she loses balance and her entire body falls into the gaping hole. Interior, primary bedroom, night, return to scene. Johnny looks at her, confused.

SPEAKER_03 32:26

And that makes you see stuff?

SPEAKER_09 32:29

I was in a coma. Emma feels the scar on her head. She separates her hair and shows it to Johnny.

SPEAKER_03 32:35

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_11 32:36

The weird thing was they never found traces of a kitten in there. The even weirder thing is that something similar happened to my mother and my grandma, all at the same age. All near-death experiences. Emma pauses, afraid to go on. And we all woke up hearing these voices.

SPEAKER_15 33:00

Like in your head.

SPEAKER_11 33:03

Well, that's what everyone assumes, right? It had to be in our heads, but these people, they're dead. Or at least that's what they tell us. Johnny's eyes widen.

SPEAKER_02 33:15

You hear dead people?

SPEAKER_11 33:17

I also sometimes see them. My first real crush was a ghost.

SPEAKER_09 33:21

Interior, high school, day, flashback. Teen Emma sits in science class. Her eyes scan the room and land on a mysterious, nirvana adjacent Zeke 16.

SPEAKER_11 33:32

I hadn't seen any of them as clearly ghosts. He looked like a regular boy.

SPEAKER_09 33:37

Zeke looks over his shoulder and spots Teen Emma. He stares. She stares. He waves. She waves back. His eyes grow wide and his head snaps back toward the lecture. Teen Emma sinks down in her desk, embarrassed. Interior, high school, different day. Flashback. Teen Emma walks past Zeke's desk and sets a note on it. I started writing him notes. She quickly makes her way back to her seat. She stares at the back of his head, waiting for him to pick it up. Interior, high school, later, flashback. Teen Emma sits at her locker in a deserted hallway. She grabs some books and is about to close her locker when Zeke sneaks up beside her.

SPEAKER_08 34:19

You can see me?

SPEAKER_11 34:20

I can tell you're trying to hide from everyone, but I see you. You just need someone real who notices the real world around them.

SPEAKER_09 34:29

Damn, the girl is smitten. But Zeke is just confused. I see you.

SPEAKER_08 34:36

No. I mean, literally. I'm dead.

SPEAKER_09 34:39

Teen Emma's face drops. She touches the spot on her head. Interior, primary bedroom, night. Return to scene. Emma picks at her already chipped fingernail polish, trying not to look at Johnny. I should have known.

SPEAKER_11 34:53

I mean, he wore the same outfit every day. I thought he just had like ten of the same shirts or something. And then one day I looked it up. He died in 1994.

SPEAKER_09 35:05

Exterior High School Night, 1994. Zeke stands on a ladder in front of a large window. Shaky spray paint letters spell out football sucks. Sucks with an X. Duh. It was a freak accident during the homecoming game. He shakes a spray paint can, ready to add his finishing touches, but he shakes it too enthusiastically and loses his balance. He falls off the ladder, splat. Interior, high school, night, flashback. Teen Emma and Zeke stand by her locker. A couple of cheerleaders run past them with a homecoming banner. Emma reaches out and touches his hand.

SPEAKER_11 35:43

He was actually my first kiss.

SPEAKER_09 35:46

He grabs her face and kisses her. Emma finally looks up at Johnny. Once, he accidentally went inside me a little bit.

SPEAKER_07 35:57

What?

SPEAKER_11 35:59

There were certain spots in school where we could touch. Like he was being pulled back into the world, but there was this one spot close to where he died, and he like possessed me for a second.

SPEAKER_09 36:11

Interior, high school, night, flashback. Teen Emma and Zeke still make out messily on a large windowsill. God, teens really suck at this. Suddenly, Zeke dissipates, and Teen Emma takes in a sharp inhale. Her eyes widen and she looks around, confused. Zeke slowly reappears like water turning into ice.

SPEAKER_08 36:32

Whoa.

SPEAKER_09 36:33

Yeah. Teen Emma looks out the window to see Zeke, way back in 1994, fall off the ladder to his death. She looks in front of her where Zeke sits, tied to the world from this one spot. Whoa.

SPEAKER_08 36:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 36:47

Interior, primary bedroom night, return to scene. Emma nods at Johnny's shocked face.

SPEAKER_11 36:53

We lost the homecoming game that night. The first time in like twenty years, and he was gone.

SPEAKER_03 36:59

Damn. Twenty years? That's insane.

SPEAKER_11 37:03

Emma just shrugs.

SPEAKER_03 37:05

Where do you think he went?

SPEAKER_11 37:06

I guess my theory is he kind of went everywhere. Like he dissipated. He was free.

SPEAKER_03 37:12

I like that theory. To be everywhere makes it less scary.

SPEAKER_11 37:18

At that point, though, I thought I was going crazy. I thought maybe I created this guy.

SPEAKER_03 37:24

But you said he was a real guy. You looked it up.

SPEAKER_11 37:26

I know, but it was easier to believe that I made him up, that it was all in my head. I went to my mom and told her, and that's when she told me that this happened to the women in my family. It's a gift, a really annoying and terrifying gift, and you learn to shut it out as you get older, but sometimes it's impossible.

SPEAKER_09 37:44

Emma braces for Johnny's disgust, but before he can answer, she continues.

SPEAKER_11 37:48

I know it sounds batshit, but I'm telling you, my mom was on antipsychotic meds for a while, and the ghost never went away. All the meds did was turn her into a zombie, and she didn't want that for me. But who knows? Maybe it really is all in our heads. A very powerful shared delusion.

SPEAKER_03 38:06

I don't think it's possible to share such a specific delusion.

SPEAKER_11 38:13

It's easier to believe, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 38:15

Why haven't you said anything to me before?

SPEAKER_11 38:18

There's never the right time to tell someone you have the sixth sense. You're the first person I've told outside my family.

SPEAKER_09 38:26

He reaches down and touches her hand.

SPEAKER_15 38:29

Wow. I'm honored. Honestly.

SPEAKER_03 38:36

Those make more sense than most religions. I mean, Mormons think Joseph Smith deciphered the Book of Mormon with a rock he put in a hat, so Wait, really? I told you. He was a con artist.

SPEAKER_09 38:49

Johnny lies down, staring up at the ceiling. Emma joins him in the horizontal position. I'm sleeping in here now.

SPEAKER_03 38:56

Wait. Did you see someone?

SPEAKER_11 38:59

Emma nods. It was this really ugly man standing over me. He had his hands on my head. He was saying something about Heavenly Father.

SPEAKER_03 39:08

Sounds like he might be a religious bloke. But that doesn't make sense if he's a ghost. You'd think all that would go out the window.

SPEAKER_11 39:16

I swear I felt something dripping on my head. It really freaked me out.

SPEAKER_03 39:21

What was he saying exactly?

SPEAKER_11 39:23

I don't know. He said a weird word, something priesthood.

SPEAKER_09 39:27

Johnny looks over at her. Emma's hair has some kind of wetness to it. He reached over and touches her hair. He brings his fingers back to his face and studies them.

SPEAKER_03 39:37

Oil? Emma, you have oil in your hair. What? Was he blessing you with oil was the word Melchizedek?

SPEAKER_09 39:47

That was it!

SPEAKER_03 39:48

He was blessing you?

SPEAKER_09 39:50

Why would he do that? They stare at each other, both a little freaked out.

SPEAKER_03 39:55

I don't know, but if it happens again, I'll kick his ghost ass, if that's possible.

SPEAKER_09 40:00

Emma nods, but both their faces look worried.

SPEAKER_03 40:03

Maybe we should sleep back to back and keep our eyes peeled.

SPEAKER_09 40:10

They turn away from each other. There's a little space between them. Emma scoots closer to him. They are close, but still not touching. Then Johnny closes the gap between them. He reaches for her hand. Emma smiles and closes her eyes. Emma has moved into the big spoon position during the night, cuddling close to Johnny. They look peaceful.

SPEAKER_04 40:34

Completely oblivious.

SPEAKER_10 40:37

She hears us.

SPEAKER_09 40:38

Josiah sings The Morning Breaks, a Mormon hymn. Emma buries her head in Johnny's neck, still asleep, but on the verge of waking. Surrounding the bed are at least 30 decrepit-looking pioneers, including Scarecrow Man Josiah. They look like they've been through some shit. Parts of faces nod off, sickly thin, frost-bitten extremities, and they all stare at the sleeping couple. Everyone else in the pioneer group isn't as enthusiastic about singing this hymn. In fact, they look very annoyed. Josiah looks up to the sky with reverence, then down at sleeping Emma, who stirs. He bends down and whispers in her ear. Emma sits up immediately. She peers around the room. It's empty.

SPEAKER_04 41:24

Spoiled dove.

SPEAKER_09 41:27

Emma looks like she might vomit, and she does, right on the comforter. She looks over at Johnny, who is still fast asleep. She stands from the bed and, with utmost care, peels away the vomit-ridden comforter. Johnny shifts in his sleep and nearly puts his arm in her vomit, but by some miracle, he misses. Emma rips the comforter off like that tablecloth trick. It seems to be successful because Johnny doesn't move. She balls up the soiled comforter and runs into the bathroom, and dumps it into the tub and turns on the shower. She practically collapses on the toilet, covering her face, accidentally bumping her fresh goose egg. She stands and looks at her face in the mirror. The girl looks like hell. She gingerly touches the purple goose egg and hisses in pain.

unknown 42:13

Fuck.

SPEAKER_09 42:14

She pulls her phone out of her pocket and takes a selfie. She attempts to send it to Maddie with the message, Is this new look sexy? But her text doesn't send. No bars. She sets her phone on the counter and closes her eyes. Emma perks up and slowly turns to the shower, where the shadow of Josiah's rail thin figure stands under the shower stream. Emma slowly approaches the shower curtain. She quickly pulls the shower curtain back, and it's empty. Just the soiled comforter. Knock. Emma jumps.

SPEAKER_15 42:47

Want some coffee?

SPEAKER_09 42:49

Emma closes her eyes and touches the spot on her head in some kind of meditation. Yeah, I'll be out in a minute.

SPEAKER_03 42:56

Sounds good. We got a shitload of cabin theme movies here. Cabin fever, cabin in the woods.

SPEAKER_09 43:03

Emma opens the door to Johnny, holding two steaming coffee mugs. I thought today's plan was a hike. He hands her a coffee.

SPEAKER_03 43:10

That was the plan pre-head injury.

SPEAKER_11 43:12

I'm fine, Johnny. Really. I moved to this state to hike the mountains in the summer and ski them in the winter.

SPEAKER_03 43:18

If you promise you're okay.

SPEAKER_11 43:20

Promise.

SPEAKER_09 43:21

Exterior hiking trail. Day. Johnny is born for this. He's basically trail running between the aspen trees. Emma stares at his calves, then up to his butt, then up to his strong shoulders. Emma pauses, out of breath. From what? You decide. Wait. Johnny pauses and turns back to her. You got a life full of high altitude training. I do not.

SPEAKER_03 43:47

Sorry.

SPEAKER_09 43:48

He squirts water in his mouth and some gets on his neck. Emma looks away. Unlike Johnny, hiking does not make her look hotter. Though she is covered in sweat, it's in all the wrong places.

SPEAKER_03 44:00

Hey, I noticed the comforter was drying on the porch.

SPEAKER_09 44:04

Oh.

SPEAKER_11 44:05

Yeah. It smelled kind of weird.

SPEAKER_03 44:08

Good call. Probably hasn't been washed in years.

SPEAKER_11 44:11

Mm. Yummy.

SPEAKER_03 44:13

We only wash things when they're stiff enough to break over your knee.

SPEAKER_11 44:17

It was nearly there.

SPEAKER_03 44:19

We're really close to the lake. You ready?

SPEAKER_11 44:22

Let's go.

SPEAKER_09 44:23

Exterior, lake, day. It's a small lake. It probably qualifies as a large pond. It's beautiful, serene, like a place where a bunch of fairies would live. Johnny drops his pack and takes off his shoes. Emma sits on a rock, taking in the beauty of nature. In front of her, Johnny is nearly naked. Yes, again, get over it. He jumps into the water. He comes up for air and looks at Emma expectantly. Emma shakes her head.

SPEAKER_03 44:49

The entire point of this hike is to get into the water.

SPEAKER_11 44:53

It looks gorgeous, don't get me wrong, but it looks like where Giardia lives.

SPEAKER_03 44:58

Just don't swallow it.

SPEAKER_09 44:59

Emma gives him a look.

SPEAKER_03 45:02

Come on, you can't possibly be afraid of the water.

SPEAKER_09 45:06

Emma lets out a sigh. She strips off her oversized grey shirt, which does a great job of pointing out exactly how sweaty she is. Before she can change her mind, she runs into the pond. She's not the greatest swimmer, but she makes it to him, albeit a little less gracefully.

SPEAKER_03 45:22

You've made it.

SPEAKER_11 45:24

I did. Now how long do we have to stay in here for? And do you know if those fish that swim up your peehole only exist in the Amazon?

SPEAKER_03 45:32

Are you telling me you're pissing right now?

SPEAKER_09 45:35

No.

SPEAKER_03 45:36

I am.

SPEAKER_09 45:37

She attempts to splash him. Oh, not the piss water! He swims further out into the lake. Emma follows. The two make their way to a rock in the middle. They sit on it, back to back. Thanks for inviting me here. It's nice.

SPEAKER_03 45:52

Even with the creepiness?

SPEAKER_09 45:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:55

Thanks for coming.

SPEAKER_09 45:57

They sit in calming silence. Emma leans back against him and looks up at the clear blue sky.

SPEAKER_03 46:04

Sorry that everyone else bailed. It's not weird, is it?

SPEAKER_11 46:07

Why would it be weird? We hang out by ourselves all the time.

SPEAKER_03 46:12

Yeah, you're right. I just it's uh different than when we crash at each other's houses. I I don't know.

SPEAKER_11 46:18

You're one of my closest friends here. It's very normal.

SPEAKER_03 46:22

Good.

SPEAKER_09 46:23

Good. She nudges him a little hard this time, and Johnny loses balance and falls into the water.

SPEAKER_03 46:30

Oh, starting the king of the hill, are you?

SPEAKER_09 46:33

It was an accident. But Johnny's already back on the boulder, and this time he's taking her down with him. They both splash into the lake. They come up for air, paddling, facing each other. Emma moves in closer. Johnny is confused for a second, but catches her eyes on his lips. Ooh.

SPEAKER_03 46:51

Emma.

SPEAKER_09 46:52

Emma playfully dunks him so he can't see her devastated face. Clouds cover the sun, and it's eerily dark. Emma's face turns worried. Johnny hasn't come up from his dunk. Johnny? Suddenly, ghostly figures appear, falling over, convulsing, vomiting on the shores. Emma looks on in terror as she watches people die right in front of her. She closes her eyes. Johnny! She sinks under the water and opens her eyes, floating corpses just under the surface. Josiah lurches toward her just a few feet away. Emma bursts out of the water, gulping for air. Then she's pulled back under. She closes her eyes and punches whatever has a hold of her leg. She screams underwater, releasing bubbles. Then suddenly, whatever was holding her down lets go, and someone else grabs her, taking her to the surface. Emma's eyes are still closed as Johnny swims them back to the shore. Emma? Emma! Johnny checks her breathing, and Emma spits out a mouthful of water. She coughs. Johnny pulls her into a hug as she gasps for air. What the hell happened? He releases her, frantically checks her for any injuries, then grabs her in another hug. She blinks, confused.

SPEAKER_03 48:11

Let's get back.

SPEAKER_09 48:12

Emma nods.

SPEAKER_03 48:14

I can carry you.

SPEAKER_09 48:16

She shakes her head and unsteadily stands. I can walk.

SPEAKER_03 48:20

Please, just let me help you.

SPEAKER_09 48:23

Emma nods, and he helps her to her feet.

SPEAKER_03 48:26

What the fuck was that? Is it you thing?

SPEAKER_09 48:30

Yeah, kind of.

SPEAKER_03 48:32

I think something you've never seen before?

SPEAKER_09 48:36

Emma holds his stare and then slowly nods.

SPEAKER_03 48:39

Let's go.

SPEAKER_09 48:40

He wraps an arm around her waist and they take a step. Suddenly, Johnny's body shivers. He lets go of her hand and doubles over. Are you okay? Johnny takes a deep breath and nods.

SPEAKER_03 48:53

She's a little lightheaded. Come on.

SPEAKER_09 48:56

He grabs her hand. Exterior, hiking trail, day. Johnny wobbles in front of Emma, not on brand for him. He leans on the nearest aspen tree for support. Without turning around.

SPEAKER_03 49:08

I'm good. Just feeling some indigestion.

SPEAKER_09 49:13

A wet burp escapes his mouth. Emma watches as a shiver goes up his entire body. He looks back at her, and for a moment, his eyes glow white. Emma squeezes her eyes closed, and when she opens them, Johnny's eyes return to normal. Emma jogs up next to him. Let me help. Johnny shakes his head furiously.

SPEAKER_03 49:34

I'm just having one of those moments where my joints feel like dust. It happens.

SPEAKER_09 49:41

He takes another step forward like a toddler learning to walk. He throws a thumbs up in her direction.

SPEAKER_03 49:48

No worries at all.

SPEAKER_09 49:53

His word turns into a small groan. According to Emma's face, she's having all the worries. She walks closely behind him, bracing for the possibility that she'll have to catch him. Interior cabin night. Emma sits on the couch, wrapped in a comfortable blanket. She sips on a warm mug of tea. Johnny makes his way over in sweats. He sits close to her. He pulls her legs into his lap.

SPEAKER_03 50:17

Maybe we should cut this all short.

SPEAKER_09 50:20

Emma's rubbing her scar again, distracted. Johnny rubs her legs in a comforting way. Nah, we can just take it easy tonight. You may have caught that Giarty I was worried about. She waits for his usual laughter to come, but it doesn't. His hands move up her legs, caressing her thighs, but his hands suddenly drop to his side. He snaps out of it, looking down at his hands.

SPEAKER_11 50:43

How's your head?

SPEAKER_09 50:44

Well, it's always been a little fucked up.

SPEAKER_02 50:47

What do you see at the lake?

SPEAKER_09 50:49

Emma stays silent.

SPEAKER_02 50:52

You can tell me.

SPEAKER_11 50:58

I've never seen so many, and then you were gone, and something pulled me under.

SPEAKER_02 51:04

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_11 51:05

It's not your fault.

SPEAKER_09 51:06

Sometimes it's just hard to keep it out of my head. Johnny grabs Emma in a hug, so she's practically in his lap. Emma squeezes him back. They separate, but they're still close, and it happens again at the moment of weakness. She stares at his face, his lips. Both of them are a little bit afraid to take the next step. But then Johnny stands, dropping Emma's legs as he does.

SPEAKER_03 51:29

Gotta piss.

SPEAKER_09 51:30

He darts into the bathroom. Emma covers her face, horrified. Idiot. A sound of groaning emits from the closed bathroom door. Emma stands and makes her way toward the noise. You okay in there? The sound of a struggle behind the door, like Johnny is in there with someone. Emma goes for the doorknob, but it's locked. Johnny lets out a pained yell. What's going on? Emma grabs the doorknob again and tries to force it open, ramming her shoulder into it. It's a pathetic attempt, but she can't do nothing. Suddenly, everything goes quiet. Emma steps away from the door as the doorknob turns slowly. In the doorway stands Johnny, unharmed, but his stance has drooped from his regular perfect posture, and a smile grows on his face. He looks around the room with wide eyes, and then he looks at his hands. Are you okay?

SPEAKER_11 52:27

It sounded like you were giving yourself hemorrhoids in there. When my brother had appendicitis, it felt like he had to shit real bad.

SPEAKER_09 52:34

Maybe we should go. But Johnny ignores her question. He steps closer to her, grabs her face, and kisses her. His entire body quivers like a preteen boy getting his first kiss. For a moment, Emma's into it. She kisses him back. When they are about to enter passionate territory, Johnny lets out a moan of delight into Emma's mouth. She pushes him away lightly. Her face is that of a person who has just gotten the ick.

SPEAKER_11 53:01

We need to talk about this. What? Why? Why? This is a big deal, Johnny. This is a totally new territory. Johnny sighs, annoyed. Plus, you sounded like you just had a near-death experience in the bathroom.

SPEAKER_03 53:19

Were you spying?

SPEAKER_11 53:20

No, you sounded like you were in pain.

SPEAKER_03 53:23

It was nothing. Just a big poop.

SPEAKER_09 53:27

Emma looks at him and then at the open door of the bathroom, confused. You didn't flush?

SPEAKER_03 53:34

Didn't come out.

SPEAKER_09 53:35

You're being so weird right now.

SPEAKER_03 53:38

No, I'm being normal.

SPEAKER_09 53:41

Silence. Johnny walks to the mirror that hangs in the small hallway and checks himself out. He runs his hands through his gorgeous locks. Can we please talk? Johnny looks over at her with a smug face.

SPEAKER_03 53:54

Fine.

SPEAKER_09 53:55

He walks toward the kitchen area.

SPEAKER_03 53:57

Can you grab me a beer on your way?

SPEAKER_09 54:00

Emma stops in front of the fridge. She looks back at Johnny, who is lounging on the table. She grabs two beers and brings them over. She opens one and pushes toward him. She opens the other and takes a long gulp. Johnny smells the beer and takes a timid taste. He immediately spits it out.

SPEAKER_03 54:18

Disgusting.

SPEAKER_09 54:20

This is one of your favorites.

SPEAKER_03 54:22

Tastes like shoe water.

SPEAKER_09 54:25

Emma's face drops. Her eyes look distant, searching for an explanation for this odd behavior. She looks over at Johnny, searches his face. Something's off. Off of Emma's strange stare.

SPEAKER_03 54:37

I mean I love it.

SPEAKER_09 54:41

He chugs half the beer with his eyes watering. He sets it down to catch his breath and then burps.

SPEAKER_05 54:50

Delicious.

SPEAKER_11 54:51

Emma's now getting worried. Please tell me you took mushrooms or something.

SPEAKER_03 54:56

Took mushrooms? From the forest? For soup? That's not my job. It's yours.

SPEAKER_11 55:04

Johnny in the bathroom.

SPEAKER_03 55:06

I said I didn't poop!

SPEAKER_11 55:07

That's not what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_09 55:09

Emma looks down at her beer. The kiss.

SPEAKER_03 55:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_09 55:13

Johnny bites his lip. Like just the memory is turning him on. It didn't feel like you.

SPEAKER_03 55:19

It was me, and I think you must be my wife.

SPEAKER_11 55:25

What?

SPEAKER_03 55:26

You're the most beautiful dove I've ever laid eyes on.

SPEAKER_11 55:30

Dove?

SPEAKER_03 55:31

Yes. Dove.

SPEAKER_11 55:33

You said you didn't say soiled dove.

SPEAKER_03 55:36

Well, that's only if we continue this courtship without marriage.

SPEAKER_09 55:41

Emma says nothing, just stares at him.

SPEAKER_03 55:44

But I'll allow other things. We can be forgiven our carnal desires.

SPEAKER_09 55:51

Emma stands, uncomfortable. She lingers next to the door. You don't sound like yourself. Johnny just shrugs, finishes off his beer, and burps again. Emma is disgusted. Johnny stands and approaches her.

SPEAKER_03 56:07

Do I mean nothing to you?

SPEAKER_09 56:08

He grabs her hands gently. She looks down at their hands. Then Johnny grabs her in a hug. He nuzzles her neck.

SPEAKER_03 56:16

Okay. I think it would be alright if we gave in.

SPEAKER_09 56:21

He kisses her neck. Stop it. He licks her ear and whispers.

SPEAKER_03 56:26

Our Redeemer will forgive us.

SPEAKER_09 56:28

With all the effort she can muster, she shoves Johnny off of her. Get the fuck off of me! Johnny eyes the picnic table. His face drops into a sinister smile.

SPEAKER_02 56:39

Soiled dove.

SPEAKER_09 56:41

He grabs the beer bottle off the table and smashes it. Who the fuck are you?

SPEAKER_03 56:46

I am the descendant of Joseph Smith.

SPEAKER_09 56:50

Johnny brings the jagged edge of the bottle to his wrist.

SPEAKER_03 56:53

Seven generations ago.

SPEAKER_09 56:55

Johnny runs the bottle across the skin. It's not too deep, but enough to draw blood. Stop it! Emma runs over to him, but he presses the bottle to his neck. Emma freezes. Stop it! Whoever you are, don't do this!

SPEAKER_03 57:09

Josiah.

SPEAKER_09 57:11

Josiah? He presses the bottle deeper into his neck. Stop! Suddenly, Johnny doubles over and barfs green goo all over the ground. He looks up at her with watering eyes. Emma Help He starts to convulse, his eyes going to the back of his head. He collapses on the ground and seizes. Terrified, Emma runs to his side and kicks the bottle away from him. He goes still. Emma runs to the kitchen, grabs a towel, and wets it, unsure what to do. She runs back to him and sets the cloth on his head. His eyes open suddenly. Johnny, we need to go to the hospital. Johnny stands peacefully, not saying a word. You need to lie down. Someone is inside you. He backs up to the door and fiddles with the doorknob. The door gently swings open. Emma looks on, confused. Johnny grabs the keys off the table and darts out the door. Emma runs after him. Exterior, cabin, night. Johnny is already at the car, but he's not driving away. Instead, he pops the hood. He dashes and lifts the hood and, without any method, just starts fucking shit up, pulling whatever he can get his hands on. Emma runs and tackles him. What the fuck? She pins him to the ground. Usually, Johnny would be no match for Emma's small frame, but he seems to struggle beneath her. She pins his arms down with hers. Johnny, look at me! You need to stop him! Don't let him do this! Johnny's face contorts like he's going through every emotion in seconds. I'm trying Vomit spouts from his mouth and he starts convulsing again. Emma rolls him over to the side so he doesn't choke on his own vomit. She's crying now. She reaches for her phone, but of course there are no bars. She looks at the scattered car parts. Fuck. Fuck. She takes a deep breath and looks around. Help!

SPEAKER_10 59:04

Anyone I need help, please.

SPEAKER_09 59:08

Fuck She spots an old tether ball set up near the porch. She runs over and unties the rope. It's old, but it'll do the job. She runs back to Johnny and ties his hands. He's still out cold. She closes her eyes, mustering the strength, and grabs him beneath the arms. She drags him toward the cabin. Interior cabin night. Johnny is haphazardly on the couch. His feet and hands are tied, and his wrist is bandaged. Emma paces in front of him, obviously freaking out. Johnny's eyes open.

SPEAKER_02 59:39

You wagtail! Let me loose!

SPEAKER_09 59:41

Shut up! He spits at her, eyes filling with rage.

SPEAKER_03 59:45

You chose this!

SPEAKER_09 59:47

Emma sits across from him. Who are you?

SPEAKER_03 59:51

The descendant.

SPEAKER_09 59:52

He smiles venomously.

SPEAKER_03 59:55

Can't you tell?

SPEAKER_09 59:57

Joseph Smith? Johnny nods slowly.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:02

You are a temptress clouding my mind with illicit thoughts. Spoiled dove.

SPEAKER_09 1:00:10

What does that mean?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:12

You are a whore.

SPEAKER_09 1:00:14

This is too much for Emma. She slaps Johnny in the face. Fuck you!

SPEAKER_02 1:00:19

Fuck you! Fuck you!

SPEAKER_09 1:00:22

Where is he? She slaps him again, harder this time. It's no use. He ain't talking. Johnny, I'm gonna go get some help, okay? Hold on. Emma pats Johnny's legs. She rummages through the drawer and finds some duct tape. She turns back to Johnny with duct tape in hand and gets to work, taping Johnny to the couch. Interior cabin later. Johnny is fully duct taped to the couch. Emma stands in front of him, wearing a flannel shirt, headlamp, worn askew to not harm her goose egg, and boots. She turns toward the wall full of bows and arrows. She grabs a bow off the wall and attempts to pull its bowstring. It doesn't move. Her arm shakes from the effort. Johnny gaffaws on the couch.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:07

You feeble woman.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:09

She sneers in his direction. She attempts to pull again, but he's right. She's too weak. She eyes the wall of weapons and grabs an arrow from the pile.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:18

What do you think is out there exactly? Shut up. Arrows are useless without a bow.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:24

Oh yeah? She runs toward him with the arrow in hand, ready to plunge. Emma jabs it into the sofa cushion next to him. He stares at the arrow, unimpressed.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:34

You know, this is your friend's body. You should be more careful.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:39

Emma pulls out the arrow and brings along little tufts of the couch cushion. She eyes the door and stands, arrow ready.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:47

So you're gonna run an air at a grizzly? That your plan? I'm not. It's just in case. The dangers outside are shaking in their boots.

SPEAKER_11 1:01:59

I'll be back.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:00

Fuck you.

SPEAKER_11 1:02:02

No, fuck you!

SPEAKER_09 1:02:04

Fuck you more! Emma charges toward the door but pauses before exiting. I'm gonna find some help, okay? Stay in there, Johnny! Stay in there, Johnny! Emma flips him off and slams the door behind her. Exterior, cabin, continuous. It's almost pitch black out here. She looks up toward the sky. It's overcast. Not even the moon is willing to help her out. She turns on her headlamp, ready for the journey ahead. Emma walks down the dirt road, following its curving path. Exterior, dirt road, night. Emma stands in front of a dark cabin. No car, nothing. A crack behind her in the aspen trees. She holds an arrow out for defense. She eyes the tree line, but it's nothing but trees. The headlamp bounces across the white bodies of the aspens. I'll arrow you I'll fucking do it Nothing. And then the sound of children's voices. Emma searches for any physical sign of the voices. Then children laughing. Emma's breathing gets heavy. What do you want from me? Emma closes her ears with her fingers to drown out the singing. She squeezes her eyes shut. Emma opens her eyes, and she sees a group of children in various stages of decay. Blood oozes out of one of their mouths. Emma's face drops, horrified. The silence doesn't last long as a primal scream fills the darkness. What the fuck? Her eyes search the horizon and she spots smoke billowing above the aspen trees. She walks toward it through the trees and farther into the wilderness. Emma spots a bonfire peeking from the foliage. Another primal scream comes from a woman, Raven, forties, who dances around the fire in her underwear, her red hair down to her bum. The woman looks free, ecstatic, but she also happens to be covered in blood. Clear light, bright night, charge and cleanse with all your might Sibyl, forties, almost so pale that she could be mistaken for a ghost, reaches out and grabs Raven Raven's hands. Both women laugh as they dance around the fire. Emma blinks, confused and a little scared. It's been a rough night. Kookie witches. Emma starts to back away, back to the road, but a branch snaps behind her. Raven and Sibyl turn toward her, but luckily Emma disappears behind a bush right in time. Raven now holds a rifle. She shoots it in the air. You are a freaks get a good look!

unknown 1:04:39

Huh?

SPEAKER_09 1:04:41

Emma stands and darts back toward the road, but immediately stops as two eyes glow back at her. She blinks to clear her vision. It's a bull moose, a few feet away. Emma, without thinking, darts in the opposite direction as fast as her feet can take her, but she doesn't get too far before she's tackled. Emma and Sibyl tumble to the ground. Emma screams and attempts to grab one of the arrows, but Sibyl has both arms pinned with her knees, and her hand covers Emma's mouth. Sibyl holds her other hand to her mouth, shushing her. Emma follows the command. The two sit in awkward silence. The moose has the most. Raven barges through the trees. She's still only in her underwear, covered in blood, but she now wears boots and has a rifle slung over her shoulder. She looks insane, but in the coolest of ways. So you must be kind of an idiot. Running from a bull moose. You stay still for that shit. Sibyl lets Emma go and stands next to Raven. Sibyl raises her eyebrows. Raven shakes her head.

SPEAKER_13 1:05:41

I didn't I don't I apologize for calling you an idiot. What I meant was you did an idiotic thing.

SPEAKER_09 1:05:50

Sibyl nods in agreement. Emma looks at them with wide, terrified eyes. We aren't gonna do anything to you.

SPEAKER_13 1:05:56

Jesus, you're free to go.

SPEAKER_09 1:05:58

Sibyl motions between the two of them. And then to Emma.

SPEAKER_13 1:06:01

Okay, I I understand. This looks freaky.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:05

We're just honoring the full moon. Emma looks up at the moon, which has emerged from behind the clouds. She's big and full, all right. People act like it's so fucking weird.

SPEAKER_13 1:06:16

You know, the moon is really powerful. Makes more sense to have a party with her when she's at her fullest than some p Sky Daddy every Sunday. You don't see me going around threatening eternity in hell for not doing it.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:30

Sibyl touches her arm. They seem to speak without words.

SPEAKER_13 1:06:35

And I agree with Sibyl that it makes no sense that God would be a man who creates life. It's not a penis. She shudders at the thought.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:46

Why are you covered in blood? It's not real blood. Emma nods slowly, not believing. Don't make me explain it. Please. Sibyl gives Raven a look.

unknown 1:07:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_13 1:07:02

I don't have a menstrual cycle because of my IUD, which helps my endometriosis. I make some fake blood as a symbol to do the protection ritual around the property, okay? It's not that weird.

SPEAKER_09 1:07:13

Sybil pats her back, comforting Raven.

SPEAKER_13 1:07:17

You wanna taste it? It's corn syrup mostly, but Emma breaks down, sobbing. I promise it's not real. I I don't know if it actually works, but I I really need the missionaries to leave us alone. They are so annoying. They keep begging to do our yard work.

SPEAKER_11 1:07:34

My friend, something's happening with him, and I don't know what to do. He fucked up our car and he keeps barfing everywhere. Oh, okay. That's not what I thought you were gonna say. And he keeps talking like an old timey guy. Old timey? Yeah, it's really gross, and I really need help.

SPEAKER_13 1:07:51

Oh, so you're not like afraid of us? Not really, but why isn't she talking? She's on a vow of silence until she finishes her Sapphic Werewolf romance novel. We're pretty good at non-verbal communication though.

unknown 1:08:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_13 1:08:05

We have a side by side. Do you think he needs a hospital?

SPEAKER_09 1:08:08

Emma looks away for a moment. It's complicated. Interior cabin later. Emma, Raven, and Sybil, who are now dressed, all stand in front of Johnny, who smirks at them.

SPEAKER_11 1:08:19

I don't think a hospital can resolve this problem.

SPEAKER_13 1:08:24

Yeah, that's definitely not the laugh of a handsome man. Sybil gives Raven a look. Sybil agrees.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:32

Look who's talking. You're the most atrocious looking women I've ever laid eyes on.

SPEAKER_13 1:08:38

Good. We literally try our hardest to repel men. That's our entire thing. Raven looks to Emma. You think he's possessed.

SPEAKER_09 1:08:47

You think he is? 100%. You believe that stuff? Raven and Sybil give her a look that says, duh. I don't want to believe it. Everything was so much easier when it was just all inside of my head.

SPEAKER_11 1:08:59

Emma closes her eyes and feels that spot on her head. But I've been seeing these ghosts ever since we got here. I've never seen so many so clearly, and now I think one of them is in there, the one who tried to bless me last night.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:12

Yeah. And it didn't work. You're just as filthy as you were before.

SPEAKER_13 1:09:17

Shut up. Emma, you're incredibly lucky because Sybil and I have been connecting with the spiritual world as of late. Seances and shit. Maybe we can force his spirit out.

unknown 1:09:32

Ha!

SPEAKER_03 1:09:33

Your witchcraft won't work on me. I have God on my side.

SPEAKER_13 1:09:39

God can eat my ass. God would never I will try whatever. First things first, let's shove something in his mouth. She will shut the fuck up on it.

SPEAKER_09 1:09:49

Emma walks out of the room and returns with a sock. She shoves it in Johnny's mouth.

SPEAKER_11 1:09:54

Sorry if you're in there, Johnny.

SPEAKER_09 1:09:56

She duct tapes his mouth closed. Okay. We need a few things. Montage. Emma moves furniture with the help of Sibyl. The only thing left is the couch with Johnny. Emma places candles around the blank room and lights them carefully. Raven pours blue food coloring on the white candle wax. Sibyl lights an incense. Raven plucks a few hairs out of Johnny's head and sets them in the middle of the room by the biggest candle. Emma, Sibyl, and Raven circle, closing their eyes. End montage. Interior cabin. Emma, Sibyl, and Raven sit in silence. The only noise is that of Johnny's muffled annoyance. Raven looks over at Emma.

SPEAKER_13 1:10:37

We've never had a medium for it. Having you here will make it easier to connect with the spirit world. Me? I'm a medium?

SPEAKER_11 1:10:45

You said you saw the spirits. Yeah. I guess that does make me one. I never thought of it like that. Sybil pats Emma's knee. She says, Congrats, girl.

SPEAKER_13 1:10:56

Everyone? Take a deep breath together. Repeat after me. We welcome any spirits nearby to join our circle. Please make your presence known.

SPEAKER_11 1:11:18

Sybil mouths the words along with Emma. We welcome any spirits nearby to join our circle. Please make your presence known. They sit in silence for a moment.

SPEAKER_09 1:11:30

But he's here in Johnny's body. Why are we calling on him? Raven and Sibyl exchange a glance.

SPEAKER_13 1:11:37

I I think this would bring his spirit out of his body and into the circle. Sibyl nods. Sibyl agrees. Okay. Go ahead. Focus on this young man's hair. Why is this young man being possessed? Repeat after me. We welcome any spirits who are nearby to join our circle. Please make your presence known. Sibyl mouths the words along with Emma.

SPEAKER_11 1:12:06

We welcome any spirits nearby to join our circle.

SPEAKER_09 1:12:10

Please make your presence known. The candle's flames grow hotter and stronger. Emma's eyes suddenly open. The room is full of ghostly pioneer figures. Unlike before, they don't appear to be decaying. They seem alive. I see them. Sarah, a teen pioneer girl, rolls her eyes. We can hear you. They can hear me. Ask them who they are. Who are you? Daniel, a teen pioneer boy, speaks up.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:35

We can hear them too.

SPEAKER_09 1:12:37

Okay. Well what's happening? Why are you here? Heather Gay, yes, Heather Gay of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, but pregnant and a pioneer, raises her hand. We're stuck here. Stuck here? Yeah, we died on our way to Zion. Exterior, Utah Mountains Day. Flashback. Heather Gay lies dead, looking pretty silly with her eyes crossed. She steps out of her dead body, looks around, and then sees her dead self. She puts her hand on her hips, annoyed. God? Joseph? Jesus? She walks around as other ghosts step out of their bodies, disappointed by the world they are still in. Heather Gay looks up to the sky.

SPEAKER_12 1:13:18

Hello, heavenly fathers. I shouldn't be here.

SPEAKER_09 1:13:22

Interior, cabin, night, return to scene. Daniel puts his hand on his hip.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:27

Zion, you know? The supposed promised land Joseph Smith talked about.

SPEAKER_09 1:13:33

If you haven't noticed, we're not in the spirit world. Exterior, Utah Mountains, day, flashback. Daniel sits on a rock watching flowers grow from his decaying corpse. It would be a beautiful sight if he weren't so damn bored. Interior, cabin, night, return to scene. Daniel wears the same expression.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:52

I was promised a celestial kingdom, and I've been chilling out here on Earth for like a hundred years.

SPEAKER_11 1:13:59

What are they saying? They're angry because they aren't in the celestial kingdom. My husband was supposed to become a god.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:06

They're supposed to be gods?

SPEAKER_06 1:14:08

Actually, only men get to become gods. Women are just in perpetual pregnancy.

SPEAKER_12 1:14:13

And let me tell you, it's not as ideal as it sounds.

SPEAKER_09 1:14:17

She rubs her swollen baby bump. Okay, so how do we release you to the celestial world or whatever? The pioneers exchange glances.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:27

Don't you see? It's all fake. The celestial kingdom doesn't exist.

SPEAKER_11 1:14:32

How do you know?

SPEAKER_12 1:14:33

We shouldn't still be on Earth. That's not what we were taught to believe. What we're saying is that Joseph Smith was full of shit.

SPEAKER_09 1:14:42

Joseph Smith was full of shit.

SPEAKER_13 1:14:44

Didn't need to talk to ghosts to know that.

SPEAKER_09 1:14:47

Johnny attempts to say something on the couch. Why is he possessing Johnny? What does he have to do with this?

SPEAKER_06 1:14:53

Oh, Josiah. I think he was trying to make you his spiritual third wife in hopes that that blast him to heaven.

SPEAKER_11 1:15:00

Ugh, he had two other wives.

SPEAKER_06 1:15:02

He inherited them from his brother when his brother died. Levi Wright marriage.

SPEAKER_12 1:15:07

Anyway, occasionally one of us moves on. We aren't sure how or why.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:12

Exterior, Utah Mountains Day. Flashback. A grungy teenager watches a kid gather sticks. The kid piles them in front of the beginnings of a small stick fort. Teenager lights a cigarette, takes a knife out, and carves into a tree. Kid looks up at teenager with watery eyes.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:29

God will punish you for smoking by giving you cancer. And you won't go to heaven with me, mom, and dad, because you smoke and have a tattoo and you take the Lord's name in vain.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:40

Teenager lets out an involuntary plume of smoke, surprised. They look down at the cigarette. Teenager bends down to Kid's level.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:49

And what do you think the babies with cancer did to be punished by God?

SPEAKER_09 1:15:53

Kid's eyes widen. He thinks for a moment, then shakes his head.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:58

Doesn't make sense, does it?

SPEAKER_09 1:15:59

An epiphany is happening behind Kid's eyes. Especially because babies aren't even old enough for their sins to count.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:09

A lot of it doesn't make sense. And once you realize that, your life becomes a lot less scary.

SPEAKER_09 1:16:16

Kid grabs teenager in a hug. One of the ghost pioneers turns white hot like the sun. They scream and suddenly burst into little balls of light. Their scream turns into a cry of ecstasy. The pioneer ghosts watch in awe and in envy. Interior cabin, night, return to scene. Suddenly, Johnny makes a pained noise. Emma looks back at him, his eyes water, and for a moment, it's the real Johnny. Please, I'll help you all move on if you just help me get Josiah out of him. The pioneers all look down, not wanting to speak up. Please.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:50

Well, we kind of want to see your friend dead. Why? He's a Joseph Smith descendant.

SPEAKER_12 1:16:58

The all-American prophet. What a good show. Wish I could see it in person. Emma looks at them, confused.

SPEAKER_11 1:17:06

What are they saying? They're talking about the Book of Mormon musical.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:11

How do they know what that is? We know a lot of stuff. We get bored.

SPEAKER_06 1:17:15

We can't leave this area, but people have built cabins. We know stuff.

SPEAKER_09 1:17:19

Ugh, remember the Twilight years. Interior, cabin, night. Daniel and Sarah stand behind teenage girls. The TV plays the movie Twilight. The teen pioneers are sucked into the baseball portion of the movie. They exchange a glance and then sit on either side of the teen girls. Twilight transcends time. Interior, cabin, night. Return to scene. Sarah shrugs.

SPEAKER_12 1:17:43

We thought that maybe killing a Joseph Smith descendant was the key to the beyond. But we haven't had a medium, someone like you, to test the theory. And he touched the sacred mark, the five wounds of Jesus.

SPEAKER_09 1:17:54

Exterior, cabin, night, flashback. Johnny's hand touches the burn symbol on the tree. It lights up. Return to scene. Heather lets out a relieved sigh. It sort of lifted the veil, we think. You want him dead? They all shrug. Emma is in anxiety-induced tears. He doesn't even know he's a descendant.

SPEAKER_11 1:18:15

Can't you like find a bad one? Please help him.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:19

Sorry, but like we died because of his um great great great great great great grandfather. Doesn't it seem fair?

SPEAKER_09 1:18:31

No, it doesn't.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:33

Well, life's not fair, bitch.

SPEAKER_09 1:18:36

And then all at once they all dissipate into the air. No, come back, please! Emma closes her eyes and starts coughing. Sybil and Raven look at her with wide eyes. What happened? They're gonna let Josiah kill him. They think it's the key to moving on. Emma sits for a moment, mulling it all over between whimpers. Her eyes catch the DVDs on the coffee table, cabin in the woods, Blair Witch Project, the conjuring. She touches the devil inside. Wait. She inches forward. Raven and Sybil lean in. What about an exorcism? Raven and Sybil exchange a glance.

SPEAKER_13 1:19:17

I agree with Sybil.

SPEAKER_09 1:19:19

Could be more of a placebo effect, but that could still work. Emma nods, wiping her tears away from her face. Do we know any Catholics? Sybil shrugs. He's not Catholic. Emma stands, and Raven and Sybil follow her into the kitchen. What's the Mormon equivalent of a priest? Raven looks to Sybil.

SPEAKER_13 1:19:44

Sybil says someone with a melistic priesthood?

SPEAKER_09 1:19:49

They're like a d uh jack of all traits. So a missionary? Raven looks to Sybil. Sybil nods. We need to catch him off guard. So we tell him the missionaries are here for a different reason. Raven and Sybil nod in understanding. Interior, cabin, night. Emma sits across from Johnny. She peels off the duct tape, and Johnny spits out the sock, disgusted.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:13

Trying to kill him.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:16

Well, don't you think he kind of deserves it?

SPEAKER_11 1:20:19

He's not even Mormon anymore. He thinks Joseph Smith was a pedophile, a racist, and a con artist.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:25

I don't know what to tell you.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:26

There's a part of you that still believes in Joseph Smith, even though you're here and not in heaven with your own planet. Johnny looks away. He shrugs. You think if you have another spiritual wife, then you'd get to Joseph's heaven?

SPEAKER_03 1:20:39

Not just heaven, the highest heaven of all heavens, the celestial kingdom.

SPEAKER_09 1:20:46

Johnny looks off like he's imagining the magical place.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:49

Imagine the glory brighter than the sun.

SPEAKER_11 1:20:53

I don't really get the sun? That's too bright.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:58

You are in heaven with the actual God and Jesus. They are your neighbors. Imagine looking out your window and waving to Jesus.

SPEAKER_09 1:21:10

Johnny waves, imagining Jesus, hot, white, redheaded, Mormon Jesus, obviously.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:16

And all this is topped off with you having the hottest body you've ever had. Better than your best body. I'd have a six-pack in the celestial kingdom. Better than this body.

SPEAKER_09 1:21:29

Emma stares at the hint of abs exposed beneath the duct tape. Better? Johnny nods.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:36

And you will live forever in ceaseless happiness. And in his teachings, the way to get there was to have at least three wives.

SPEAKER_11 1:21:47

But that's not a thing anymore. You can go there without the third wife, according to Mormons today.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:54

But it's still true in my heart. That may be what's holding me back.

SPEAKER_11 1:21:59

Okay. So for someone to spiritually marry you to another person, they have to have the Melchizedek priester. So a missionary would work?

SPEAKER_09 1:22:09

Johnny nods. Okay. We'll find some.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:13

For what?

SPEAKER_09 1:22:15

Emma grabs a knife. Johnny's face looks scared, but Emma plunges the blade into the couch, cutting him free of the duct tape. I'm gonna marry you. Interior, cabin, early morning. Emma helps Johnny put on a formal outfit, aka a button-up flannel, and some jorts.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:32

You're gonna make a beautiful wife.

SPEAKER_09 1:22:35

Emma cringes at the words.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:38

We'll have at least four babies. I've heard the most beautiful name. Escrow. That's not a name. It is. I heard it. Someone was calling after their child. Escrow!

SPEAKER_11 1:22:53

But only when I get to heaven, of course. The babies.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:57

Not necessarily. For the spiritual marriage to be complete, it must be consummated. You could be with child tonight.

SPEAKER_09 1:23:06

Emma steps away from him, disgusted. She leans over the kitchen sink. Then she turns back.

SPEAKER_11 1:23:13

But you understand that I would be having sex with Johnny, not you, so wouldn't that be adultery? Johnny's face suddenly becomes confused. Don't Mormons frown upon adultery?

SPEAKER_03 1:23:27

Uh technically it's me, Josiah.

SPEAKER_11 1:23:32

Uh no. Because if I were to get pregnant, it would be his baby. And then you'd be continuing the Joseph Smith lineage.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:41

But if I get into the celestial kingdom, then Joseph Smith's teachings would be right, and I'd probably be honored to have continued his line.

SPEAKER_09 1:23:50

She didn't think of that. Emma turns away from him, contemplating. Johnny steps in closer and places his hands on her shoulders from behind.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:59

You know. I can feel that he's attracted to you. I could be him.

SPEAKER_09 1:24:06

Emma ducks under his arm. I think you're just gonna have to wait until I die. Johnny's face turns sour, like he might be sick, and then he vomits all down his front. Emma looks at him, disgusted. God, could you at least aim for the sink, dude? Johnny's eyes flick up at her tearfully. It's him. Real Johnny.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:29

I can't hold on, Emma. Help me.

SPEAKER_09 1:24:32

Emma touches his face. We're gonna get him out of there. Just hold on a little longer, okay?

SPEAKER_03 1:24:36

I'm so tired. And this guy's brain is so gross.

SPEAKER_09 1:24:45

Johnny collapses on the ground in a puddle of his own vomit. He starts convulsing again. Emma grabs a pillow off the couch and sets it under his head. Raven and Sybil stand and drag two missionaries behind them, Elder Young and Elder Anderson, from the gas station. They are bound and gagged and look terrified. Look who we found. Elder Young and Elder Anderson don't even blink. Why did you tie them up? Sybil shrugs and takes the gags off the elders, but leaves them tied.

SPEAKER_14 1:25:13

We're actually called members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

SPEAKER_09 1:25:17

Raven and Sybil exchange a glance.

SPEAKER_13 1:25:19

Sybil says we should sacrifice this one first.

SPEAKER_09 1:25:22

What? Sybil stifles a laugh and playfully slaps Raven's arm. Elder Young's eyes widen upon seeing Emma.

SPEAKER_14 1:25:28

I told you! I told you they were cooks! I warned you! And have they got you under their spell?

SPEAKER_09 1:25:31

Stop scaring them! Now come put them over here. Sybil and Raven lead them to the picnic table. Please take Johnny into the bedroom. Be careful, he's covered in barf. They nod and leave Emma with the missionaries. I know you're probably freaking out right now. Elder Anderson seems catatonic, while Elder Young closes his eyes.

SPEAKER_14 1:25:50

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this day, but please, Heavenly Father, please bring light into the hearts of these.

SPEAKER_11 1:25:56

I need your help.

SPEAKER_09 1:25:58

Suddenly, Elder Anderson lets out a guttural yell. Emma lunges across the table and covers his mouth. Nothing will happen to you, I promise. Now nod your head if you understand. Elder Anderson nods. She lets him go and he immediately breaks down. I don't even know the church is true.

SPEAKER_10 1:26:18

That's okay. This seems like a really fucked up religion, honestly. I'm afraid of the second coming.

SPEAKER_14 1:26:27

We literally saw a rainbow three days ago.

SPEAKER_09 1:26:29

Emma looks at him, confused.

SPEAKER_14 1:26:31

If you see a rainbow, that means that the second coming of Jesus isn't happening for at least a year. You have time to start believing. No.

SPEAKER_09 1:26:39

No. I don't believe. Suddenly, behind Emma, a bright light fills the room and dissipates like a burst of fireworks. Oh my god, Daniel! Emma turns towards Sarah. What was that? Daniel! He's gone! He's moved on! Emma's eyes widen, horrified. Johnny! Emma stands and runs to the bedroom where Sybil is cleaning Johnny up. He's still alive. Thank God. Not God. Never mind. She runs back to the kitchen, but Sarah is gone.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:08

He's still alive, and I have a situation. We need you to perform an exorcism. We're pretending to have a spiritual wedding, and then we're gonna take him by surprise. Both Elder Young and Elder Anderson look at her, confused. Someone is possessing my friend, and the ghost is a Mormon, so I need you to do your Melchizedek thing and get him out of there. The missionaries exchange a glance.

SPEAKER_14 1:27:28

Uh that's not a thing. What? Yeah, we don't know how to do that. We don't think that happens.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:33

But what if it is happening? You sure it's not just like a mental breakdown? We see those all the time in the church. It can look like possession.

SPEAKER_09 1:27:42

Emma hits the table with her fists.

SPEAKER_11 1:27:44

No! There is a creepy pioneer man inside my friend, and I'm gonna need you to brainstorm a way to get him out of there.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:50

Well, maybe we could do a priesthood blessing?

SPEAKER_09 1:27:54

Emma nods enthusiastically.

SPEAKER_14 1:27:56

Yeah, we we could totally do that. Maybe like leave this message.

SPEAKER_06 1:28:01

Yeah, yeah. But you're going to have to do it because, like, I I don't think being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is my jam. You know, Elder, you could have told me about your doubts. My mom told me that I should probably have sex before I marry someone. I think she's right. And I don't like to think about why she told me that. Your dad's bad at sex.

SPEAKER_09 1:28:24

Elder Anderson covers his ears in disgust.

SPEAKER_14 1:28:27

We need olive oil.

SPEAKER_09 1:28:29

Interior, cabin, bathroom, day. Emma stands in front of the mirror. She's as dolled up as she can get without any doll-up equipment. A white sheet has been made into a makeshift wedding dress. There are gross stains all over it, but it could be worse. She wipes some crusty lipstick onto her lips. She closes her eyes. Please work. A soft knock on the door. Raven steps in.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:53

You look cute.

SPEAKER_09 1:28:55

He has to think it's real. Sybil claps her hands, excited. Stop being excited.

SPEAKER_13 1:29:01

This is serious.

SPEAKER_11 1:29:02

Sybil's face turns solemn. And you don't even know what the man inside him looks like. Raven nods. No. Seriously. He looks like he's been pickled.

SPEAKER_13 1:29:13

Oh yuck.

SPEAKER_11 1:29:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_13 1:29:16

We're going to get Johnny's spirit back. We have to. Because you like him.

SPEAKER_09 1:29:21

Raven smiles deviously. Sybil wiggles her eyebrows. This is not the time nor the place.

SPEAKER_11 1:29:30

Yeah, obviously. It's gonna work.

SPEAKER_13 1:29:34

She looks to Sybil. Sybil agrees.

SPEAKER_11 1:29:36

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_09 1:29:37

Exterior, cabin, day. Johnny, whose feet and hands are still bound, stands at one end of the bonfire area with Elder Young, who looks more than nervous. Elder Young looks to Elder Anderson, who removes his elder badge and throws it into the fire pit. Elder Young gives him a wink, and Elder Anderson nods back. Johnny looks at them.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:01

I get a little more festive.

SPEAKER_06 1:30:04

Uh sure, what would you like? Uh I'm X-warming now, but I kinda dug high on the mountaintop. It's a crowd favorite for General Conference. That one does slap.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:15

No. Have you heard the song I Like You by Post Malone?

SPEAKER_09 1:30:20

Elder Young and Elder Anderson exchange a glance.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:23

Yeah? I do.

SPEAKER_14 1:30:24

That one, please. Is she ready yet?

SPEAKER_09 1:30:27

Coming. Emma steps out of the side door, flanked by slightly cleaned up versions of Raven and Sybil. They hold onto her arms.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:35

Okay. Go. Sing.

SPEAKER_09 1:30:38

The missionaries sing post Malone's I Like You.

SPEAKER_14 1:30:42

Oh girl, I like you. I do.

SPEAKER_09 1:30:45

I wanna be a friend, go shopping in a bins. Raven and Sybil escort Emma down the dirt pathway like a classic wedding, which is not Mormon, but get over it.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:53

I like you.

SPEAKER_09 1:30:55

I do.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:58

I like you.

SPEAKER_09 1:30:59

Elder Anderson stands, getting into his performance, but the walk is short, and Emma stands beside Johnny. He sits down reverently. Raven and Sybil sit down across from Elder Anderson. They all stare at each other like they're communicating telepathically.

SPEAKER_14 1:31:14

So I've actually never been to a temple marriage. So, Josiah, is it? You wanna kinda let me know what I need to do?

SPEAKER_09 1:31:22

Johnny thinks about this.

SPEAKER_03 1:31:25

Well, if I remember correctly, you say Sister What's your last name?

SPEAKER_11 1:31:33

Fisher.

SPEAKER_03 1:31:35

Well, actually, you would definitely ask me first. So you say, Brother Jensen, do you take sister Fisher? Fisher as your lawfully wedded wife for all eternity.

SPEAKER_14 1:31:50

Okay. Uh Brother Jensen, do you take Sister Fisher as your lawfully wedded wife for all eternity?

SPEAKER_03 1:31:58

And also make sure you say she has to obey me and find me in heaven. So do you? Yes.

SPEAKER_09 1:32:07

Emma takes another deep breath. Elder Young looks to Emma.

SPEAKER_14 1:32:10

Sister Fisher, do you take Brother Jensen as your lawfully wedded husband for all eternity?

SPEAKER_09 1:32:16

He looks over at Johnny, who just nods.

SPEAKER_14 1:32:18

And obey him and promise to find him in heaven when you die?

SPEAKER_09 1:32:21

Emma looks back at Raven and Sybil, who sit on the edge of their seats. I Johnny looks at her expectantly. I Uh He smiles at her. It's almost like it's really Johnny under there. Don't his face drops as Elder Anderson grabs him and forces him to his knees. What? Raven throws a bottle of olive oil at Elder Young, who barely catches it. It's already opened, and he dumps it on Johnny. An exorbitant amount of oil coats Johnny's head. He sputters, still totally confused about what's happening. Do it! Elder Young places his hands over Johnny's oil-covered head.

SPEAKER_14 1:32:59

Brother Josiah Jensen!

SPEAKER_09 1:33:01

He closes his eyes.

SPEAKER_14 1:33:02

With the power of Melchizedek priesthood, I command you to leave this body.

SPEAKER_09 1:33:07

Emma scoots in closer, looking into Johnny's face. His eyes are closed as the oil drips from his face.

SPEAKER_14 1:33:12

Brother Josiah Jensen, I have anointed you with consecrated oil. In the name of Jesus Christ, I ask you to leave this man's body.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:22

Or what?

SPEAKER_14 1:33:22

Do it again! Brother Josiah Jensen, with the power of the Mchizedek priesthood, I command you to leave this body.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:31

You thought this would actually work.

SPEAKER_09 1:33:34

Elder Anderson joins Elder Young by setting his hands on Johnny's head.

SPEAKER_06 1:33:38

Brother Josiah Jensen, with the power of the Makized Priesthood, I command you to leave this body in the name of Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:47

No.

SPEAKER_09 1:33:48

Fuck! The elders drop their hands, disappointed.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:52

All you did was get me extremely oily, and it's gonna be a pain for my wife to get it out of my hair. I said no dipshit. I would consider leaving this body if you said yes.

SPEAKER_11 1:34:08

No amount of wives is going to get an asshole like you into any heaven.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:12

Okay. Well, I can feel your friend's light dwindling. So, you can wash my hair and marry me for real. Or he dies.

SPEAKER_09 1:34:26

Emma's jaw tightens. Interior, cabin, bathroom, day. Johnny is bent over the tub as Emma roughly shampoos his head. She turns on the bath and shoves his head under the spout. She harshly wrings out his longish hair and then pulls him up to check it.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:42

You know, you're only hurting his body. Shut up. Just saying.

SPEAKER_09 1:34:47

Still have suds. She forces him back over the edge of the bathtub. She gently rinses his hair. She turns the knob to make it a little warmer. She checks both of his ears for any bubbles. He's clear. She turns off the spout. Johnny sits up. Emma sits across from him, her face softer. She puts a towel around his shoulders and dries his hair with care. His hair starts to set in its natural waves. She drops the towel and looks into Johnny's eyes. She can still see him somewhere in there. She brushes his hair out of his face and then leans into him. She kisses him with all the passion she can muster. She wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him closer to her. She is doing her best work here. And then he lets out an excited, guttural moan. She pushes him away.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:36

Fuck that was nice.

SPEAKER_09 1:35:37

I can feel your wormy lips through his.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:40

What did you think was gonna happen?

SPEAKER_09 1:35:42

I don't know, some fairy tale shit. Emma lets out a frustrated scream. Give him back, fuck face! Johnny moves his shoulders in an annoying little dance.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:52

You know the deal.

SPEAKER_09 1:35:54

Emma bawls her fists. They shake. Fine! Fucking fine! Emma opens the door to Raven, Sybil, and the missionaries.

SPEAKER_06 1:36:01

Let's do this then! Aww man, the kiss didn't work? No. Cool. Lost hope of my religion, and now true love.

SPEAKER_09 1:36:10

He bites his hand to stop the tears from coming. One of you help him into the living room. Elder Young nods. In the living room area, Emma sits on the couch and folds her arms. She rubs her eyes. You'll get him back. And who cares if you're a fake married to the guy? Sibyl nods and places her hand on Emma's shoulder. Don't you get it? He's not gonna do shit. He's gonna kill Johnny no matter what.

SPEAKER_13 1:36:36

Oh shit, yeah. That makes more sense for him. She looks back at Sybil's tearful face. Sybil says, even though she finds hetero relationships disgusting and thinks men should have to face the consequences of their crimes against women for centuries, she still finds this heartbreaking. You didn't even get to kiss the real guy.

SPEAKER_09 1:36:57

Fuck this. In the bathroom, Elder Young, now shirtless and covered in oil, attempts to help Johnny up, but the bathroom is small, and with Johnny's limbs tied, it's awkwardly close. Johnny stares at Elder Young's shining abs and then looks into Elder Young's bright young eyes.

SPEAKER_14 1:37:15

Where's your shirt? Covered in oil, went all the way down to my garments. We might have gone overboard there.

SPEAKER_09 1:37:21

Elder Young chuckles, flexing his rock hard muscles.

SPEAKER_14 1:37:24

I think it's gonna be easier to throw you over my shoulder, honestly.

SPEAKER_03 1:37:27

Uh no. I'm a man.

SPEAKER_14 1:37:31

I play football. It'll be easy. No. Well, bro, you don't really have a choice.

SPEAKER_09 1:37:35

Elder Young grabs Johnny around the waist and heaves him over his shoulder. Johnny catches sight of Elder Young's beefy biceps as he easily lifts him. Johnny bites his lip. Elder Young brings him out into the living room. Elder Young pauses right before the couch, his face contorting into terror. Oh my heck! Emma stands from the couch.

SPEAKER_05 1:37:55

Dude, that's a boner! I'm not doing it! It it's not me!

SPEAKER_09 1:38:00

Elder Young drops Johnny on the couch.

SPEAKER_05 1:38:03

I don't understand! Why is this happening? Stop looking at me!

SPEAKER_09 1:38:07

Johnny attempts to hide his erection.

SPEAKER_05 1:38:10

Get me!

SPEAKER_09 1:38:13

Suddenly, Johnny's body starts convulsing on the couch. Johnny's voice becomes more frail and ghostly.

SPEAKER_05 1:38:19

It's not me! I don't find men attractive! That's gross.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:28

I do wish I had a better body, though.

SPEAKER_09 1:38:32

Johnny's body lifts off the couch. His body twitches, and a bluish orb surrounds it. Emma, Raven, Sybil, and the elders watch him in confusion.

SPEAKER_05 1:38:42

Get me out of here.

SPEAKER_09 1:38:45

Slow motion. Josiah's ghostly spirit separates from Johnny's body, a bright light filling the entire room, and slow motion. Johnny's body falls to the couch and he gasps for air. Emma runs over to him, ignoring the ghostly pioneers that have now crowded the room. Help me cut him loose. Johnny is not looking good, like he's on his deathbed. Raven runs over and cuts Johnny free. He's not waking up. Emma shakes him. Johnny, wake up, please! Emma collapses over his body, crying into his chest. Elder Anderson grabs Elder Young in a hug. Emma grabs onto Johnny's shirt. Please.

unknown 1:39:24

Please.

SPEAKER_09 1:39:26

Please. The entire room is silent. It's actually quite sad to watch. Are you crying? You should be crying now. Emma sits up with wet eyes. She checks his pulse in his neck. Her face quivers. Emma stands looking at the ghostly pioneers. He's dead, and you're all still here. You killed someone I loved for nothing. The pioneer ghosts look at one another, ashamed.

SPEAKER_11 1:39:51

He's the only person who didn't think I was crazy.

SPEAKER_09 1:39:54

Well, obviously, we feel bad about it now. Then suddenly, Johnny takes in a deep breath. His eyes open. Emma runs to Johnny's side and grabs his hand. Johnny's eyes blink slowly. Oh my god! Don't take the Lord's name. Someone shushes them. Hi. She kisses Johnny's hand.

SPEAKER_03 1:40:13

Hi.

SPEAKER_09 1:40:14

Emma nearly falls on top of him, grabbing him in a hug. Raven, Sybil, and the missionaries are in tears of happiness as they watch them.

SPEAKER_10 1:40:22

Holy shit! That was so fucking intense! Fuck! I'm never gonna get over this!

SPEAKER_09 1:40:27

Raven looks at Sybil, shocked. Sybil slaps her hand over her mouth. Johnny weakly wipes Emma's tears away.

SPEAKER_03 1:40:35

You saved me.

SPEAKER_09 1:40:37

Actually, I think your boner saved you. Johnny smiles weakly. He shoots his fist in the air. They both laugh, and Emma grabs him in another tight hug.

SPEAKER_14 1:40:48

This has been an awakening experience.

SPEAKER_09 1:40:50

Then Heather Gay turns as bright as the sun. God damn it, her Heather Gay giggles in delight.

SPEAKER_12 1:40:57

Yes, God, yes!

SPEAKER_09 1:40:59

She bursts into a thousand light particles. Exterior Cabin Knight. Both Elder Young and Elder Anderson are out of their missionary clothes, now wearing some of Johnny's attire. Elder Young holds up a flashlight under Johnny's hood as Elder Anderson fixes the car. Raven and Sybil sit on the porch, channeling the pioneer ghosts through some crystals. Emma sets two mugs in front of them. Emma smiles at the two pioneer ghost women who are giving the witchy ladies the time of their lives, and then she steps inside. Interior cabin continuous. Emma enters the cabin and sits across from Johnny at the table. He's looking a bit better. Some life flows beneath his skin, but he has some signs of possession, bruising and scratches. He sips from a mug.

SPEAKER_03 1:41:45

What a great pioneer day weekend we had, huh?

SPEAKER_11 1:41:49

Fuck yeah. So did you know?

SPEAKER_03 1:41:56

Did I know what?

SPEAKER_11 1:41:57

That you're a descendant of Joseph Smith.

SPEAKER_03 1:42:01

The way that my grandmother did genealogy, you'd think we'd know. But I personally had no idea. Maybe we were one of those secret wives nobody could know about.

SPEAKER_09 1:42:11

Emma stands. Johnny watches her as she sits and scoots closer to him. I'm glad you're okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:42:17

I'm glad you were here. Imagine if Maddie had to deal with that.

SPEAKER_11 1:42:21

Dude, you'd be dead. Oh, for sure. We can't really tell anyone about this, can we?

SPEAKER_03 1:42:27

Yeah. I don't think so.

SPEAKER_09 1:42:31

Emma traces her finger along the grain of the picnic table. Johnny?

SPEAKER_02 1:42:36

Yeah?

SPEAKER_09 1:42:37

She looks up at him. I think I'm maybe I like you a lot. I don't want to be just friends. Johnny smiles. It's his real, genuine smile. Johnny leans in and gives her a sweet kiss. Emma relaxes and kisses him back. They separate. Thank God. She kisses him again and he wraps his arms around her. Sarah sits across from them on the picnic table. She sighs. Emma pauses their tiny makeout session.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:06

What?

SPEAKER_09 1:43:07

Emma smiles at Sarah. I'm so, so horny.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:12

Are they watching?

SPEAKER_09 1:43:13

Yeah. Emma thinks for a moment. I think there's something we could do.

SPEAKER_11 1:43:19

I think we can help them. Sarah tilts her head, curious. We watch two people poof to the beyond, right? And it seemed to happen right after both elders said they no longer believed. Sarah nods. Her eyes light up. Eureka.

SPEAKER_10 1:43:33

Now that I think about it, that makes sense. It's not always so obvious. There was this soaking incident.

SPEAKER_03 1:43:38

Soaking? They're talking about soaking?

SPEAKER_10 1:43:41

It's a sex loophole. Anyway, I think you're right. I think that's it. They stop believing.

SPEAKER_11 1:43:46

Every time a Mormon stops believing, an angel gets its wings. What?

SPEAKER_09 1:43:51

So what's the plan? Emma smiles at Johnny. Exterior, suburban neighborhood, day. Elder Anderson wears all black with a small name tag that reads Derek and approaches a perfectly arranged household. Some Mormons definitely live here. He approaches the door and knocks, whistling. A man wearing his Sunday best opens the door. He looks at Derek, confused.

SPEAKER_06 1:44:13

Uh can I help you? Do you have a moment to discuss who you think is your Lord and Savior? What? I was just wondering if I could ask you some questions about your faith. Are you a missionary? In a way.

SPEAKER_09 1:44:25

On the other side of the street, Emma and Johnny give Derek a thumbs up as the man ushers him into the house. This reminding you of your missionary days?

SPEAKER_03 1:44:33

Kind of. Although there's a lot less anxiety on my side. It does feel like a calling, though. Exposing Joe Smith's bullshit. Plus, they deserve to know the horrifying feeling of a missionary knocking on their door.

SPEAKER_11 1:44:48

You think it's gonna work?

SPEAKER_03 1:44:49

Plant a seed of doubt, and it will grow.

SPEAKER_09 1:44:53

Emma grabs his hand as they approach another perfectly manicured suburban household. The end.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:15

And now maybe you're partaking in some pie from your local bakery or from your own hands. It's fun making pie. And I hope you didn't do any fireworks. Anyways, thank you so much for listening. If you want to know who these actors are, because they're so incredible, their names will be listed in the podcast notes. And thank you to all who contributed to our Seed and Spark funding. You really made dreams come true. And we're hoping to produce more of these from my uh screenplays. Listen, they're gonna be m adapted and it will feel less like a table read, uh, hopefully. And see you next time, babies.